* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don’t think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not a woman in that same role.
Narcissists have super-sensitive and fragile egos, so almost everything that happens to them has some ego impact. Some of the most disastrous events to the narcissist’s ego include:
- Being unmasked. When you realize that the narcissist is not confident, secure, and bold, but is actually paranoid, insecure, and cowardly, this causes a huge narcissistic injury. The narcissist will head right down into his foxhole and order some of his minions to dig him a tunnel to Siberia. He never wants to see you again!
- Abusing someone who sees through his con job. Narcissists count on the effectiveness of narcissistic abuse techniques such as projection, triangulation, and gaslighting to create an alternate reality in which they are flawless and everyone else causes all of the problems. When a victim of narcissistic abuse does not buy into this BS, and instead sees the narcissist’s whole chessboard clearly, the narcissist has just lost at his own sick and twisted game. His ego does not even know who he is anymore. Now he will have to con a whole new group of people so he can once again believe in his awesome, flawless self! Exhausting!
- Losing control. This is the worst thing that can happen to the narcissist. It throws him off completely. He only feels safe if he is controlling people (who he sees as objects) via various manipulative techniques. Do not go off “the plan” and do anything unexpected! The narcissist will counterattack, and he shoots to kill!
- Perceived criticism, boundaries, and attempts to hold them accountable for their harmful behavior. Listen, people, the narcissist is the boss here—everyone else exists for his desired use and pleasure. So don’t do anything inconvenient, like stand up for yourself!
- Failure to accommodate the narcissist’s insatiable need for admiration, special privileges, praise, and ego-feed. The narcissist will, at minimum, go out in search of better supply if you dare to do this to him. Compliment him, stroke his ego gently, make clear that he dominates you in every way…or pay the price!