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Sex & the Narcissist, are narcissists cheaters?

* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.

Social psychologists have spent a lot of time studying narcissism as a personality feature. Still, there are unanswered concerns about how narcissism affects relationships. Narcissists, who have an inflated ego and a fixation with success, prefer to form shallow relationships with others in order to boost their own self-esteem.

So, are narcissists cheaters?

According to research, narcissists are more likely to have cold, uncaring, and unsatisfying relationships. It’s also been argued that narcissists are more likely to cheat on their partners. Ahmet Altnok and Nurseven Klç, the study’s authors, wanted to see how narcissism, cheating intent, and relationship happiness interacted. Because data suggests that narcissism is associated to insecure attachment, the researchers looked into the role of attachment style as a moderator.


Are narcissists hypoactive or mainly hyper sexually and to what degree are they likely to be unfaithful in marriage?


The cerebral narcissist does not delight in sex and by far chooses masturbation or “unbiased”, emotionless sex, like going to woman of the streets. Actually, he utilizes his mate or spouse as an “alibi”, a shield versus the attentions of other females, an insurance coverage which preserves his virile image while making it socially and ethically commendable for him to prevent any sexual or intimate contact with others.

Sex for the narcissist is an instrument developed to increase the number of Sources of Conceited Supply. If it takes place to be the most effective weapon in the narcissist’s arsenal– he makes profligate use of it.

Simply put: if the narcissist can not get adoration, affection, approval, applause, or any other kind of attention by other methods (e.g., intellectually)– he turns to sex.

The 2nd kind of narcissist is primarily sexually faithful to his spouse. He alternates in between what seems hyper-sexuality and asexuality (truly, powerfully quelched sexuality).

In the 2nd phase, he feels no sexual urges, bar the most fundamental. He is, for that reason, not compelled to “cheat” upon his mate, betray her, or breach the marital vows. He is far more interested in avoiding a worrisome decreasing of the kind of Narcissistic Supply that actually matters. Sex, he says to himself, contentedly, is for those who can do no much better.

An uncomfortable divorce, a terrible individual financial upheaval– and this type of narcissist embraces the view that the “old” (intellectual) solutions do not work any longer. He desperately browses and gropes for new methods to attract attention, to restore his False Ego (= his grandiosity) and to secure a subsistence level of Narcissistic Supply.

Sex for the narcissist is an instrument designed to increase the number of Sources of Egotistical Supply. In other words: if the narcissist can not acquire love, adoration, approval, applause, or any other kind of attention by other methods (e.g., intellectually)– he resorts to sex.

This outdoors “appearance” is likewise what specifies the narcissist. One (the exhibitionist) may be the culmination, the “pure case” of the other (the narcissist).

The narcissist’s warded off logic goes something like this: “I am married/attached to this lady. I am not enabled to be in any kind of contact with other females which may be translated as more than casual or professional. This is why I avoid having anything to do with women– due to the fact that I am being faithful, as opposed to most other unethical males.

Some narcissists prefer “complicated” scenarios.

If guys– they prefer virgins, married women, frigid or lesbian ladies, and so on. The more “hard” the target– the more gratifying the narcissistic result.

Such a narcissist might be wed, but he does not regard his extra-marital affairs as either immoral or a breach of any implicit or explicit agreement between him and his partner.

It is through the processes of effective seduction and sexual conquest that the narcissist obtains his severely required conceited “repair”.

When inevitably abandoned by his partner– the narcissist is veritably shocked and hurt. This is the sort of crisis, which might drive him to psychotherapy.

Still, deep inside, he feels obliged to continue to pursue specifically the same path. His abandonment is cathartic, purifying.

Following a duration of deep anxiety and suicidal ideation– the narcissist is most likely to feel cleansed, invigorated, unshackled, prepared for the next round of searching.

As the memories of the crisis fade, as the narcissistic wounds recover, as the Narcissistic Cycle re-commences and the balance is brought back– this second type of narcissist reveals his true colours. He abruptly loses interest in sex and in all his sexual partners.

The narcissist is likely to perfect his strategies of courting and concern his sexual exploits as a type of art.

As the memories of the crisis fade, as the conceited wounds heal, as the Narcissistic Cycle re-commences and the balance is brought back– this second type of narcissist reveals his real colours.

There is another type of narcissist. He also has bouts of sexual hyperactivity in which he tends and trades sexual partners to concern them as objects.

He becomes completely immersed in “huge jobs”, long-lasting plans, a vision, or a cause– all extremely gratifying narcissistically and all extremely demanding and time consuming.

In such circumstances, sex undoubtedly ends up being a commitment, a requirement, or a maintenance task hesitantly undertaken to protect his sources of supply (his family or home).

The narcissist is most likely to best his methods of courting and regard his sexual exploits as a form of art.

He normally exposes this side of him– in excellent detail– to others, to an audience, expecting to win their approval and affection.

Due To The Fact That the Narcissistic Supply in his case is in the very act of conquest and (what he perceives to be) subordination– the narcissist is required to hop from one partner to another.

Thus frustrated, the narcissist minimises all manner of sexual intercourse with his close circle (partner, children, parents, siblings, extremely intimate good friends): sexual, verbal, or psychological.

He restricts himself to the rawest exchanges of info and isolates himself socially.

His reclusion guarantees versus a future hurt and avoids the intimacy that he so dreads. However, again, by doing this he also protects desertion and the replay of old, unsettled, conflicts.

Finally, he actually is left alone by everyone, with no Secondary Sources of Supply.

Sex is handy and is an excellent source of the best type of supply: it is immediate, sexual partners are interchangeable, the solution is thorough (it includes all the elements of the narcissist’s being), natural, extremely charged, adventurous, and satisfying.

Thus, following a life crisis, the cerebral narcissist is most likely to be deeply associated with sexes– really frequently and practically to the exclusion of all other matters.

He keeps discussing to anyone who cares to listen that his other sexual partners are nothing to him, meaningless, that he is simply benefiting from them which they do not constitute a hazard and should not be taken seriously by his spouse.

In his mind a clear separation exists in between the sincere “lady of his life” (truly, a saint) and the sluts that he is having sex with.

Ostentatiously neglecting ladies besides his other half (a form of aggressiveness) he feels exemplary in stating: “I am a devoted other half”.

At the exact same time, he feels hostility towards his spouse for seemingly preventing him from freely expressing his sexuality, for isolating him from carnal satisfaction.

With the exception of the significant ladies in his life, he tends to view all women in a bad light.

His behaviour, therefore, accomplishes a dual purpose: securing Narcissistic Supply, on the one hand– and re-enacting old, unsolved disputes and injuries (desertion by Primary Objects and the Oedipal dispute, for example).

Somatic narcissists tend to spoken exhibitionism.

They tend to boast in graphic details about their conquests and exploits. In severe cases, they may present “live witnesses” and revert to overall, classical exhibitionism.

This agrees with their propensity to “objectify” their sexual partners, to engage in emotionally-neutral sex (group sex, for instance) and to delight in autoerotic sex.

I do not like this situation.

I covet my free peers.

They can have as much sex and love as they want to– while I am confined to this marital relationship, chained by my wife, my liberty suppressed.

I am upset at her and I will penalize her by avoiding having sex with her.”

This kind of narcissist is afraid of encounters with the opposite sex and is even more afraid of emotional involvement or commitment that he fancies himself prone to establish following a sexual encounter.

In basic, such a narcissist withdraws not only sexually– however also mentally.

are narcissists cheaters

Broadly speaking, there are 2 kinds of narcissists, loosely corresponding to the two classifications discussed in the concern.

He then end up being a satyr (or a nymphomaniac): indiscriminately participates in sex with several partners. His sex partners are thought about by him to be objects – sources of Conceited Supply. It is through the processes of effective seduction and sexual conquest that the narcissist derives his severely needed egotistical “fix”.

In his mission to discover new sources, he again embarks on ego-mending bouts of sex, followed by the selection of a mate or a spouse (a Secondary Egotistical Supply Source).

Then the cycle re-commence: a sharp drop in sex, emotional absence and terrible detachment resulting in abandonment.

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