* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.
Loving someone who doesn’t love you is one of the most painful experiences and feelings to go through. Unfortunately, until you go through it yourself, you can’t really begin to understand how hard it is to deal with. Keep reading to understand how to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you.
Though it can seem hopeless at the time, there are things you can do to minimize the pain and you can train yourself to stop loving them over time. We are under no illusions that this won’t be easy, but it is possible.
There will be times you seem to go backward in the falling out of love and healing process, but that’s ok.
Love is one of the strongest emotions human beings experience, so there’s no way you’d be able to just fall out of love with someone in a single day.
Talk To Someone
You’d be surprised how helpful just talking to someone can be. Keeping feelings bottled up will set you up for disaster and will only make the situation worse for yourself.
Look into getting a therapist or if you don’t want to do that, find a friend who is trustworthy and reliable. If you don’t have any friends who fit that description, you can talk to your family too.
Just getting your feelings out can help you release any tension and pain you may be feeling and sometimes, people come out with some great advice you wouldn’t think of because they are seeing it from a totally different perspective to you.
Give Yourself Time To Grieve
It might sound a bit odd, but you should give yourself time to grieve the relationship. Before you can heal from anything, you need to give yourself time to accept the situation for what it is and grief what you have lost.
If you need to have a good cry, allow that for yourself. Love is such a powerful emotion and it’s so hard to let go of.
If you try to keep holding on to it, you won’t give yourself any room to learn to let go, and this is why grieving what you’ve lost can help you on the road to healing a lot faster.
Healing doesn’t happen in a single day though, so if you need to take a bit of extra time to grieve, let yourself have it.
Just don’t get too lost in it, because if you stay in the grieving process forever, you will never be able to move on.
Break All Ties
This will be quite a hard step to take, but it is extremely necessary for you in order to stop loving them. If someone doesn’t love you anymore, they don’t have the right to take up space and time in your life.
Block their number and social media profiles. Unfriend them on social as well as block them. Don’t let them have any way of contacting you or seeing how your life is doing from afar.
If they have hurt you and don’t want to be a part of your life, they can’t have it both ways.
And more importantly, what’s out of sight is out of mind. If you aren’t seeing them on social media or having any contact with them, you will naturally start to think about them less and less as time goes on.
Get Rid Of The Things That Remind You
If you have any items that remind you of them, it’s in your best interest to get rid of them. This can also be quite a difficult step to take because it cements that they are gone more in reality.
If you are not ready to get rid of things that remind you of them or they are too expensive to get rid of, redecorate a bit. Give yourself a fresh new space to being the next stage of your life.
When you are ready to get rid of these things though, look at it as a positive. You are leaving your past behind you and heading into an exciting new future.
Practice Self Care
Above everything else, you need to take time out to practice self-care. Get a new haircut or book a spa day. Invest lots of time into things and hobbies you enjoy. If the person you’re trying to get over ever stopped you from doing anything, do those things now!
Take at least an hour or two a day to do the things you love and things that make you happy. You might not feel the benefits immediately, but as you do these things more, you’ll start to feel better and enjoy yourself again.
Remember The Bad As Well As The Good
Even in the most “perfect” relationships, there are still qualities and things that happen that aren’t exactly ideal.
When you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to see any bad in them. When you’re trying to get over them though, it’s in your best interest to remember the bad just as much as the good.
When you do look back at the relationship, in hindsight you might remember something and realize they were not the best influence in your life, even though you thought they were, and this will help you get over them in the long run.
It’s not easy to give up on love when you feel it, but as you spend more time with yourself and away from the person you love, you’ll begin to see that you don’t need them for a full life.
It isn’t easy to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you, but it can be done. It just takes time and acceptance of the situation you are in.
Having a good support network around you will also help and thought being told “you’re not alone” doesn’t help when you’re right in the middle of dealing with these feelings, eventually, you will realize that it is true.
Just take your time in your healing process and allow yourself to work through your emotions as easily as you possibly can.
Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation’s largest organization fighting sexual violence: (800) 656-HOPE / (800) 810-7440 (TTY)
988 Mental Health Emergency Hotline: Calling 988 will connect you to a crisis counselor regardless of where you are in the United States.
The National Runaway Safeline: 800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929)
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine: 1-800-950-NAMI, or text “HELPLINE” to 62640. Both services are available between 10 a.m. and 10 p.m. ET, Monday–Friday
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support: www.suicide.org
Crisis Text Line: Text REASON to 741741 (free, confidential and 24/7). In English and Spanish
Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
Family Violence Helpline: 1-800-996-6228
American Association of Poison Control Centers: 1-800-222-1222
National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependency: 1-800-622-2255
LGBTQ Hotline: 1-888-843-4564
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262)
The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 678678. Standard text messaging rates apply. Available 24/7/365. (Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning—LGBTQ—young people under 25.)
The SAGE LGBT Elder Hotline connects LGBT older people and caretakers with friendly responders. 1-877-360-LGBT (5428)
The Trans Lifeline is staffed by transgender people for transgender people:
1-877-565-8860 (United States)
Veterans Crisis Line: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net
International Suicide Prevention Directory: findahelpline.com
The StrongHearts Native Helpline is a confidential and anonymous culturally appropriate domestic violence and dating violence helpline for Native Americans, available every day from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CT. Call 1-844-762-8483.
‘Find a Therapist’ Online Directories
- Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
- GoodTherapy.org: http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html
- American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy: https://aamft.org/Directories/Find_a_Therapist.asp
- Emergency: 911
- Hotline: 1-888-353-2273
- YourLifeCounts.org: https://yourlifecounts.org/find-help/
UK & Republic of Ireland
- Emergency: 112 or 999
- Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK – local rate)
- Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
- Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI – local rate)
- Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)
- YourLifeCounts.org: https://yourlifecounts.org/find-help/