* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.
Narcissism is a personality disorder categorized by an individual’s own sense of self-importance, lack of empathy for others, an excessive need for attention and admiration, and in a lot of cases, troubled relationships. But when you decide to do it, how do you actually leave a narcissist?
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be very taxing, both emotionally and mentally. If it becomes manipulative and abusive, which is what usually happens when dating a narcissist, you begin to feel trapped.
How To Leave A Narcissist
In this article, we’ll be going over how you can leave a narcissist for good, without the fear of being manipulated into staying with them.
Finding The Support
People in relationships with narcissists often find that their narcissist partner alienates them from their friends and family, demanding that you cut ties with those closest to you to display your loyalty to them.
They can come up with lots of reasons why you shouldn’t be in contact with your friends and family and they manipulate you into cutting those ties.
Narcissists want you to feel alone, so then you have no choice but to rely on them and make everything in your life all about them. They don’t want you focused on anyone else.
You might be at a point where you have cut those ties and now you’re worried about how your friends and family will react if you just pop back into their lives.
As long as you’re open and transparent about why those ties were cut in the first place and that you need support to leave your narcissist partner, more often than not they will welcome you back with open arms.
Having the support of your friends and family will make it easier for you to leave your partner, and you’ll have safe spaces to go to in case you’re scared they will try and follow or trap you again.
Remove The Reminders
Lots of narcissists will often display themselves as really caring, especially when they are trying to trap you.
They may take you on really elaborate trips and buy you really elaborate gifts, all in an effort to make you feel special and to make you think they are special.
When you’ve had such good memories with your partner, it is hard to remember all the bad and dark times, which is what they are trying to do. It makes it much harder to leave someone when this happens, which is exactly what they want.
Remove any reminders of the good times. Any pictures you have, both online and physically, get rid of them or put them away. Out of sight, out of mind, after all. If you have any trip mementos, do the same with these.
With all the token gifts and reminders of the good times out of your mind, you will be able to see past the rose-tinted glasses they had put on you in the first place.
Being able to see past the facade will help you to leave them because you’ll realize that throughout the relationship, they have not been treating you right or respecting you.
Don’t Tell Them You’re Leaving And Have A Plan
When it comes time to leave, it is important to have a plan because your narcissist partner will do everything in their power to manipulate you into staying and giving them “one more chance”.
Make sure you have some rainy day money saved, in case you need to get a hotel for a couple of nights.
Log out of all your devices in your home and make sure there isn’t any tracking software on your phone.
They may try to track your whereabouts if you leave and then follow you to try and bring you back.
Don’t tell your narcissist partner that you’re leaving, if they know you’re even thinking about it, they will manipulate you into staying.
Once they start convincing you to stay, it will be very hard for you to leave.
When the time comes and you have everything ready to go, you want to just be able to slip away without them interfering or following.
Wait until they aren’t in the house for a few hours and take that opportunity to slip away. For you to truly be able to heal from the trauma they’ve put you through, you need the space away from them.
Give Yourself Time To Heal
It is important when you do leave to actually give yourself the appropriate time to heal. Take up meditation and learn to ground yourself, get back into any hobbies you’ve put off.
Seek out a therapist to work through your trauma with. And above all, don’t date again until you are ready.
Unfortunately, lots of people who do escape from a narcissist tend to fall into another relationship with another narcissist because they might think that they can fix them or even just because they feel like they don’t deserve a good and healthy relationship.
This isn’t the case though.
Narcissists do everything they can to make you codependent. They know how to shrink down your self-worth and make you lose your confidence and this is why the cycle ends up repeating so much.
Before you consider dating again, get to the root of your trauma. Take the time to understand that a lot of what you feel was manipulated into your thought patterns by the narcissist and it is not how you are.
Trauma can make us do awful things to ourselves, but with the support of therapists, loved ones, and understanding ourselves, we can break the cycles these abusive people have put on us.
Leaving a narcissist is one of the hardest things to do because they always find a way to get you back. But the situation is never hopeless.
When you have a good support network around you and you begin to see just how manipulative these narcissistic people are, you are taking the first steps to escaping this toxic energy.
Never be afraid to ask for help, because more often than not, it’s already waiting for you.