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How To Detach From Someone

* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.

Love is a mysterious thing. Love has no rhyme or rhythm, no limits or boundaries. We don’t get to choose who we fall in love with, when, or even how. 

And sometimes, we fall for the wrong people. So when that happens how do we detach from someone.

Contrary to popular belief, love isn’t always enough. I was always taught that love is all I’d ever need.

How To Detach From Someone

After all, it’s ingrained into us from such a young age, what princess would be complete without their Prince Charming? And wasn’t love usually the answer they were looking for all along? 

But real life isn’t always a fairytale. 

Real-life is a lot harder, and relationships take a lot more work than you see in the movies. And life can get in the way, and sometimes you have to find a way to pull away from someone that you still love.

This can be for plenty of reasons, maybe you see different futures, perhaps you live too far apart, maybe it’s just not working the way you hoped it would. 

However, sometimes, if there is physical, emotional, or verbal abuse it can be imperative that you leave a relationship for your safety and wellbeing.

Leaving may seem like a heart-breaking option if you are still attached to your significant other, which is why it can be really important to learn how to detach yourself from this person and you’re feelings. 

Table of Contents

How To Detach From Someone:

Detachment Explained

What Detachment Is

So what is detachment? You’ll probably want to understand what this is before you attempt to achieve it. 

Now, it can be seen as simply keeping well away from triggering people and situations that cause you emotional distress. When you say the word detached people often think of being emotionally numb but that’s not really ideal. 

I don’t want you thinking that to detach yourself from a person you have to become desensitized to your own emotions, but instead that you need to begin setting and maintaining certain boundaries to ensure your own happiness. 

Detachment can simply be stepping away from situations that leave you powerless, in order to gain control. Setting boundaries that avoid strong feelings of anger, stress, resentment, and disappointment is really detrimental to your mental health. 

What Can Cause Detachment

Several things can build up to cause you to become detached. Everyone has a breaking point and often if feelings go ignored, a build-up of frustration can lead to detachment.

However, other factors such as past experiences, medication, and other mental health conditions can cause some people to detach from partners. 

You should always consider all of the reasons why you might be detaching from your partner so that you can make the decision as to whether it’s worth fighting against or not. 

Deciding To Let Go 

As many know, leaving a relationship doesn’t mean that you’ve necessarily stopped loving them. In fact, in most break-ups, you’ll still find a lot of love. But that isn’t always enough to keep a relationship working.  

This can make knowing when it’s time to let go a lot harder. So when do you decide to let go? How do you know when you need to go

Usually, I would start by asking yourself a few questions. How does being with this person affect your mental health? Do you put their happiness above your own? Do you sacrifice your needs to meet theirs?

Are you constantly worrying about them, or their reactions? How often do they put you first? Is your relationship one-sided or balanced? 

If you are constantly left drained and emotionally exhausted from trying to balance your partner’s life and emotions, especially with no evidence of them doing the same, it’s probably time to let go. No matter how difficult this may seem. 

How To Let Go

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably been in, or are in, a relationship where you know that it’s time to go, but you just don’t actually know how to do it. How do you detach from someone you love? Here are a few things that might make leaving a little easier. 

Knowing The Reason

Here, you’re going to have to address something you’ve probably been avoiding. You need to be certain about why you need to leave and what’s gone wrong.

I know from experience that it can be hard to be truthful with yourself here and the rose-tinted glasses always come out and can confuse how you feel about the relationship. 

But remember that these feelings have usually been brewing for some time, and there is a reason that you want to leave, but you need to face it. Without this knowledge, you’re likely to cave and be convinced to give it another try. 

Let Yourself Feel Emotions

No matter how long or short the relationship may have been, you’ve built a bond with this person and it’s over now. This can be a painful thing to accept, even if you’re the person making the choice to leave.

It’s important to remember your feelings are valid and ignoring them will only make things worse.

So whether you need to have a good cry to a sad song, take out your anger on a punching bag, or celebrate your freedom with a night out, make sure that you dedicate some time to let those emotions out. 

Respond, Don’t React

Break-ups are inevitably awkward and difficult conversations that more often than not, don’t go very well. After all, no one enjoys being broken up with.

During this conversation, it’s likely you’ll get an emotional response from your partner, especially if they feel blind-sided by the conversation

Reacting in the moment can aggravate the situation so be sure to listen and respond to what they’re saying. Having taken the time to figure out the reasons why you’re leaving will mean you already know how to respond effectively. 

Avoid Sexual Contact

This is especially important in toxic relationships. Sex will always strengthen an attachment and can make leaving that much harder. 

Asking For Help

Whether you’re going to a friend, family member, or licensed mental health professional, speaking to someone can always help.

A problem shared is a problem halved. Sometimes you might need that little push, and support can be exactly what you need. Never be ashamed to ask for help, especially in dangerous and toxic relationships. 

Final Thoughts

Letting go is something no one relishes. It’s painful and it’s hard and let’s face it change is scary. But staying in a painful relationship will seriously impact your mental health and you need to put yourself first. 

I know it’s a lot easier said than done, and sometimes it can feel almost selfish to leave. But it’s not. You deserve happiness, and hopefully, this article will help you find it.

If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn more about therapy, please see below:

For more information on mental health, please see:

If You Need A Crisis Hotline Or Want To Learn More About Therapy, Please See Below:

  • RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) – 1-800-656-4673
  • The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255
  • National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233
  • NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) – 1-800-950-6264

For More Information On Mental Health, Please See:

  • SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) SAMHSA Facebook, SAMHSA Twitter, SAMHSA LinkedIn, SAMHSA Youtube
  • Mental Health America, MHA Twitter, MHA Facebook, MHA Instagram, MHA Pinterest, MHA Youtube
  • WebMD, WebMD Facebook, WebMD Twitter, WebMD Instagram, WebMD Pinterest
  • NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NIMH Instagram, NIMH Facebook, NIMH Twitter, NIMH YouTube
  • APA (American Psychiatric Association), APA Twitter, APA Facebook, APA LinkedIN, APA Instagram

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