* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.
Unfortunately, divorce is a common aspect of today’s society. Every day, people file for divorce at their local courthouse but why? Why do people divorce? Can it be avoided?
There is an overwhelming amount of research on why people file for divorce and the reasons for divorce can be both predictable and surprising.
#1 Reason is not what you think! I know, you would have thought that cheating has to be the top reason, but think again. If you thought that sexual infidelity is the leading cause of divorce, you’ve got it all wrong.
Here are 11 Reasons for Divorce that should not come as a surprise.
#1 Reason for Divorce is Communication Problems.
According to an article in Huffington post published originally by Tango.com, the top reasons for divorce and the reason married couples decide to split, believe it or not, are indeed “Communication Problems” .
Communication issues came out as not only as one of the Top Reasons for Divorce but as the “Number One Reason Marriages Fail”. Here are some other culprits our experts blame for the high divorce rate.
#2 Marrying for money.
Getting married for the wrong reasons can lead to divorce
We’ve all heard that this is undoubtedly the quickest way to a divorce, but what about when you marry because it’s what you think you should do it is even worse.
Divorce Attorneys around the country met with many women and men that wanted a divorce that said the reason for leaving their partner was so evident from the beginning.
Parents, Grandparents, other family members and even friends expected them to live happily ever after.
Often they had already spent so much money on the wedding, or the couple just built the dream home, so they followed through, got married, knowing deep inside that it was not right. Only on the surface was it perfect.
So, remember, until you say “I do,” you always have the choice to say “I changed my mind”. Money or not, dream home or not, perfect socioeconomic partner or not, don’t do it unless you are in love for all the right reasons.
#3 The Inability to stay an Individual
A codependent relationship is never healthy.
When you do not have your interests or the opportunity to express yourself outside of the marriage, you become deprived of your own needs, wants and desires. This is often one of the leading causes of unhappiness and one of the Top reasons for divorce after years of misery.
If you are not comfortable doing things without your spouse, or you don’t know what kind of music, movies, or food you like, you are likely in trouble.
#4 Becoming lost in the roles of marriage is still one of the leading reasons for divorce
Just as many couples “forget” their single friends when they get married, when you add children into the mix, most parents soon neglect or completely forget that they are a couple and also individuals.
Keep your friends in the picture, continue to date your husband/wife, and always stay in touch with why you got married and had children in the first place.
As children grow up and need less parenting, many husbands and wives find that they have grown apart can’t remember why they got married and how they even fell in love. Nothing in common… certainly one of the top reasons for divorce.
#5 Reasons for divorce include not having a shared vision of “Success.”
Everything changed after we got married! He drives you crazy because you have always made good money but expect to spend it the way you’ve pictured it.
He is a saver, but you think only when it comes to your wants and needs.
Your idea of a weekend getaway is going to the beach or sitting by the pool in a tropical place and drinking a cocktail. He wants to go to the woods and rent a cottage that reminds you of the latest horror movie he made you watch.
Why didn’t he mention these things before?
Maybe you should have asked. The chances are that he hasn’t changed and neither have you.
Your expectations of him may have. If you are honest with yourself, did you not have concerns about some of those characteristics and behaviors when you first started dating?
If his closet was a disaster then, the pantry was an utter mess, he never folded his clothes and never washed his dishes, why would you think this would change?
Is it possible to survive differences in philosophy? It is possible, but many do not.
#6 When the Intimacy disappears, the separation begins
One of the reasons for divorce is a lack of intimacy. Somewhere in a marriage, there is a subtle change in the bedroom and intimacy becomes less and less.
Marital Sex is one of the most critical factors that can help hold a husband and wife steadfast when going through troubles. Being with your partner in that way reminds you of your bond, love and gives you a sense of togetherness and even forgiveness during hard times.
One person has an off day, there is a misunderstanding, or someone doesn’t feel well.
Then there’s the idea that he isn’t as romantic or she isn’t as sexually interested anymore. Read this article about a couple that saved their marriage by implementing a schedule for intimacy.
DON’T CHEAT BECAUSE OF YOUR UNHAPPINESS – IF YOU DO – KNOW THAT IT IS A CRIME TO COMMIT ADULTERY
Whoever is the one with the subtle change can trigger a downward spiral in the intimacy department. Men need sexual receptivity to feel romantic, and women need romance to be sexually receptive.
Cheating on both partners behalf often occurs due to emotional needs or physical needs are not being fulfilled.
Adultery during the marriage is a crime in Georgia and can cost you Alimony and more.
However, when there is a lessening of sexual activity among couples, it that can trigger a pulling back in the other.
If gone unnoticed and unchecked, before the pair realizes, they are seriously intimately estranged and wonder what happened. This is undoubtedly one of the top leading reasons for divorce.
Couples begin to feel unloved and unappreciated, which is how they end up in my office to discuss divorce.
Sometimes couples can seek mediation services, but most of the time the other spouse has already hired an attorney and began the divorce proceedings.
#7 Being out of touch… literally out of touch has to be the most lonely feeling
I’m talking about physical contact. Of course, sex is amazing and important, but more so than sex, there is genuine non-sexual intimacy.
Hugging, kissing and touching is essential to feel close, secure and loved by your partner.
An unsolicited hello and goodbye kiss can go a long way. Impromptu hugs and simply holding hands.
Couples who don’t maintain an intimate connection with both sexual and non-sexual acts are destined to becoming strangers.
#8 Unmet expectations in marriage or a relationship are one of the leading reasons for divorce
Somewhere written into a human’s genetic code lie the instruction that when a person isn’t happy, he or she is supposed to force his/her significant other to make the changes required to make the unhappy person happy again.
This usually takes the form of complaining, blaming, criticizing, nagging, threatening, punishing and bribing. Does that sound like you?
When one or both people in the marriage are attempting to force each other into doing things they don’t want to do for their partner’s happiness, it is a recipe for disaster.
If you are in a domestic violence situation please contact an attorney and obtain a TPO.( Temporary Restraining Order).
When you are unhappy in a relationship, it’s okay to ask for the change you want. But, if your partner doesn’t oblige you, must take responsibility for your happiness. Do not blame your partner for your shortcomings.
#9 Different priorities and interests
Priorities and interests are on the list of reasons for divorce, having shared interests and exploring them together is essential for a successful marriage.
Often women feel neglected and start nagging, men forget important dates such as Anniversaries, and Birthdays.
What about “Me” time?
Of course, having “me time” is essential as well, but unless you can find common passions and look for ways to experience them together, you will grow apart which leads to the point of being out of touch as mentioned above.
Read more about the importance of self care here.
# 10 The inability to resolve conflicts
Every couple has disagreements, every platonic relationship has differences too, the key is to developing ground rules and establishing boundaries. Each partner felt respected and heard when you stick to these boundaries.
Sometimes it takes a third party “referee” to help define those rules and teach us to move through the charged emotions, so resentments don’t linger and take over the relationship once and for all.
#11 It’s not usually the lack of finances that cause the separation, but the lack of compatibility in the financial department that causes the divorce.
Last but not least – I thought this would be the #1 Top Reason for divorce around the globe “Finances.”
Opposites can attract, but when two people are opposites in the financial department, divorce is on the horizon. Imagine the conflict if one is a saver and one is a spender.
Or the saver does not want to compromise with the spender. What is if one person makes money and the other spends it?
What if one spouse uses the money to control the relationship, without respecting the other’s vision of saving, spending or investing.
One is focused on the future while the other beliefs in living for today. One has no problem buying on credit, while the other beliefs in saving for it and paying cash.
Over time, this conflict can reach such heights that divorce seems to be the only smart solution. Finances during a divorce, even without children is also the cause of an expensive divorce.