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Who Does A Narcissist Marry?

* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.

There are far more narcissistic people in the world than we care to admit, and many of the ones who are most covert are those who are married.

Narcissists are highly inclined to enter into romantic relationships, because who is better or easier to control than a spouse who’s invested in them? So, Who Does A Narcissist Marry?

Who Does A Narcissist Marry?

But, who exactly does a narcissist choose to marry? Are there certain traits or characteristics that they look for in a partner? If you’ve been pondering these questions above, then don’t worry, you’re not alone. 

Below, we take a closer look at narcissism within the context of marriage, answering all of your questions regarding the subject. 

To find out more, simply keep reading below, as we take a closer look. 

What Is A Narcissist? 

Before we jump straight in and answer the titular question, first, let’s take a closer look at what a narcissist really is.

A narcissist is, by definition, somebody who has a highly aggrandized view of themselves. They believe that they’re incredibly special, more so than others around them. 

As a result, they often demand special treatment, and believe that everyone should bow down in order to accommodate them.

In relationships, they’ll often be incredibly demanding, and enjoy exerting power over their partners. 

They are often prone to gaslighting, treating their spouses badly, and then denying all responsibility afterward.

Narcissists are incredibly adept at manipulating their partners, and can be incredibly charming when you first meet them. 

Who Does A Narcissist Marry? 

So, who exactly does a narcissist choose to marry? The answer to this question is anybody who they feel like they’ll effectively be able to manipulate.

When narcissists first pursue their victim, they’ll be incredibly charming. They’ll send their victims gifts, shower them with compliments, and make them feel special. 

This will draw their victim in, and once they feel as though they’ve ‘got’ them in their grasp, they’ll show their true personality.

Who Does A Narcissist Marry?

But, once a victim is in their grasp, they’ll find it very difficult to leave, as narcissists are very good at chipping away at their spouse’s self esteem, leaving them feeling completely disempowered. 

The Narcissist And The Empath 

Although you don’t necessarily need to be an empath to fall into the grips of a narcissist, we do very often witness this dynamic in relationships. 

Empaths are essentially people who feel things very deeply, and this translates to other people’s emotions too.

They feel as though they can absorb the energy in the room, and are excellent at determining what people are thinking. 

Empaths and narcissists are often naturally drawn to one another, and there are a few reasons why this is the case. 

The main reason is because the empath believes that they can fulfill the narcissist’s sense of self worth, and they can sometimes spend a lifetime trying to achieve this.

This may appear confusing at first, especially since narcissists are considered to have extremely elevated self worth. 

This isn’t the case however, and the self aggrandizement that a narcissist displays comes from an inherent feeling of ‘lack’.

Because they don’t have the ability to reassure themselves of their own worth, they’ll cover this up with extreme displays of arrogance and boastfulness. 

The empath, being who they are, will see through the extreme displays, and will instead see the inherent emptiness and sadness buried inside.

Empaths have a desire to please others, and to make them feel emotionally fulfilled, therefore, they’re naturally inclined to try and help them. 

Narcissists however, won’t see this as a display of affection, but will rather, take this as proof of their partner’s weakness.

They will view their spouse as somebody who’s incredibly easy to manipulate, purely because they’re so emotionally invested in them. 

The Abuse Cycle 

We briefly mentioned what we called the ‘abuse cycle’, in one of our points above. The abuse cycle refers to the tactics the narcissist uses to keep the empath in a state of disempowerment. 

After the initial charm has worn off, and the narcissist has begun to show their true colors, the victim will endlessly hope that their abuser will return to their initial form at the beginning of the relationship.

This won’t be the case however, and the narcissist will just become more and more abusive as time goes on, as they sink their grasp into their victim. 

If the empath calls the narcissist out on any of their bad behaviors, they’ll simply deny it, or they’ll try to ‘charm’ them again in order to get them back on side. This is the cyclical nature of narcissistic abuse.

One of the key ways in which the narcissist abuses their empathetic partner, is by assigning all blame to them.

If there’s ever an issue, the narcissist will say that it’s their spouses fault, not theirs.

This form of abuse works very well on empaths, purely because of their inherent way of internalizing things, and criticizing themselves. 

Final Thoughts 

To sum up, narcissistic people are naturally drawn towards empaths, and these tend to be the kind of people that they eventually marry.

Narcissists and empaths are naturally drawn to one another, because empaths believe that they can emotionally ‘fix’ their abuser, whereas the narcissist views this desire as a weakness.

Emergency Numbers

Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation’s largest organization fighting sexual violence: (800) 656-HOPE / (800) 810-7440 (TTY)

988 Mental Health Emergency Hotline: Calling 988 will connect you to a crisis counselor regardless of where you are in the United States.

911 Emergency

The National Runaway Safeline: 800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929)

Self Abuse Finally Ends (S.A.F.E)

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Trauma & Child Abuse Resource Center

Domestic Violence Shelters & Resources

Futures Without Violence

National Center for Victims of Crime

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

National Network to End Domestic Violence

National Sexual Violence Resource Center

Prevent Child Abuse America

Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC)

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine: 1-800-950-NAMI, or text “HELPLINE” to 62640. Both services are available between 10 a.m. and 10 p.m. ET, Monday–Friday

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.orgOr, just dial 988

Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support: www.suicide.org

Crisis Text Line: Text REASON to 741741 (free, confidential and 24/7). In English and Spanish

Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

Family Violence Helpline: 1-800-996-6228

American Association of Poison Control Centers: 1-800-222-1222

National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependency: 1-800-622-2255

LGBTQ Hotline: 1-888-843-4564

National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262)

The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 678678. Standard text messaging rates apply. Available 24/7/365. (Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning—LGBTQ—young people under 25.)

The SAGE LGBT Elder Hotline connects LGBT older people and caretakers with friendly responders. 1-877-360-LGBT (5428)

The Trans Lifeline is staffed by transgender people for transgender people:
1-877-565-8860 (United States)
1-877-330-6366 (Canada)

Veterans Crisis Line: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net

International Suicide Prevention Directory: findahelpline.com

The StrongHearts Native Helpline is a confidential and anonymous culturally appropriate domestic violence and dating violence helpline for Native Americans, available every day from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CT. Call 1-844-762-8483.

‘Find a Therapist’ Online Directories

Canada

UK & Republic of Ireland

  • Emergency: 112 or 999
  • Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK – local rate)
  • Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
  • Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI – local rate)
  • Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)
  • YourLifeCounts.org: https://yourlifecounts.org/find-help/

Emergency Numbers

Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation’s largest organization fighting sexual violence: (800) 656-HOPE / (800) 810-7440 (TTY)

988 Mental Health Emergency Hotline: Calling 988 will connect you to a crisis counselor regardless of where you are in the United States.

911 Emergency

The National Runaway Safeline: 800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929)

Self Abuse Finally Ends (S.A.F.E)

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Trauma & Child Abuse Resource Center

Domestic Violence Shelters & Resources

Futures Without Violence

National Center for Victims of Crime

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

National Network to End Domestic Violence

National Sexual Violence Resource Center

Prevent Child Abuse America

Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC)

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine: 1-800-950-NAMI, or text “HELPLINE” to 62640. Both services are available between 10 a.m. and 10 p.m. ET, Monday–Friday

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.orgOr, just dial 988

Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support: www.suicide.org

Crisis Text Line: Text REASON to 741741 (free, confidential and 24/7). In English and Spanish

Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

Family Violence Helpline: 1-800-996-6228

American Association of Poison Control Centers: 1-800-222-1222

National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependency: 1-800-622-2255

LGBTQ Hotline: 1-888-843-4564

National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262)

The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 678678. Standard text messaging rates apply. Available 24/7/365. (Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning—LGBTQ—young people under 25.)

The SAGE LGBT Elder Hotline connects LGBT older people and caretakers with friendly responders. 1-877-360-LGBT (5428)

The Trans Lifeline is staffed by transgender people for transgender people:
1-877-565-8860 (United States)
1-877-330-6366 (Canada)

Veterans Crisis Line: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net

International Suicide Prevention Directory: findahelpline.com

The StrongHearts Native Helpline is a confidential and anonymous culturally appropriate domestic violence and dating violence helpline for Native Americans, available every day from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CT. Call 1-844-762-8483.

‘Find a Therapist’ Online Directories

Canada

UK & Republic of Ireland

  • Emergency: 112 or 999
  • Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK – local rate)
  • Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
  • Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI – local rate)
  • Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)
  • YourLifeCounts.org: https://yourlifecounts.org/find-help/

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