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What To Do When A Narcissist Is Mad At You?

* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.

In contemporary dating, it is becoming increasingly common for narcissistic behavior to be present in our relationships, and while the true cause of this is not certain, it is still a startling fact. 

What To Do When A Narcissist Is Mad At You

This behavior can manifest itself in numerous ways, ranging from a need to control, to verbal abuse, to mental abuse, and even violence.

Luckily though, there are numerous methods and resources you can employ to rid yourself of bad behavior and remove yourself from harmful situations. 

But what happens when things get really bad, and temper starts to become an issue? 

What Makes Narcissists Mad? 

To know how to handle a narcissist and their temper, it is first important to understand what some potential triggers are, and why these triggers are present in the first place. 

Lack Of Control

Narcissists want control, and when this is not attained, they will often show their nasty side. This could be when you won’t do something they want to do, or when you otherwise don’t let them get their own way. 

Not Meeting Their Needs

When it comes to narcissists, they place their needs above those of other people – even their loved ones – and they will often go to great lengths to see their needs met, even if it is at the expense of their partner. 

This means that, should they not get their own way, then things might get ugly. 

Lack Of Attention

Part of this is a need for attention. They see themselves as more important than everyone else, and as such they feel that they should receive more attention from their family, friends, and partner. 

This means that when this attention is shared or diverted in some way they could lash out and become mad.

Their behavior is all about doing whatever it takes to get what they want, and by losing their temper – or displaying negative emotion – then they can manipulate the situation in their favor. 

What To Do When Narcissists Get Mad? 

What To Do When Narcissists Get Mad 

When dealing with a narcissist who has lost their temper, there are several methods you can employ to diffuse the situation and keep yourself as safe as possible.

The main things to remember are a) diffuse the situation, and b) removing yourself from the situation. You are not responsible for their misbehavior, and in this situation you should preserve your own safety. 

Let Them Calm Down

This might sound like you’re forgiving them, but you’re not. You are letting someone with negative emotions calm down – something that could help to avoid violence or further displays of temper. 

This means not antagonizing the situation – instead focusing on removing yourself from the situation with your health and safety intact. 

Don’t Reason Or Argue

Narcissists need to have their own way, which means they are notoriously difficult to reason or argue with.

This is more likely to add fuel to the fire, and the best course of action is to not give them what they want – namely, the attention that confrontation can bring. 

Don’t Placate Them

When someone loses their temper, it can seem tempting to try to placate them. However, when dealing with a narcissist it is advised not to do this, as this can just lead to more control and harm later down the line. 

Simply ignore them and try to get yourself out of the situation. 

Try And Form Boundaries

Narcissists use negative emotion to get what they want, and the only way for you to counter this is by establishing boundaries when this happens. 

If they think they can throw a tantrum to win you over, then they will continue to do this. However, if they realize that getting mad won’t work, then they might be less inclined to do this in future. 

Understand What Makes Them Tick

Knowing what you’re up against can be a useful tool in most situations, and the same goes for narcissistic people. If they have certain triggers it can be useful to know what they are.

If the narcissist in your life does have temper issues pertaining to specific subjects, then you can use this as a powerful tool of acceptance, communicating with them that, while you disagree with them, you understand why they feel the way they do. 

Don’t Over-Apologize

The important thing to remember is that, unless you know you have done something wrong, you DO NOT apologize. This leads to an unhealthy relationship dynamic wherein the narcissist will have all the power. 

If you know you have done wrong, then acknowledge that fact, but otherwise, don’t accept responsibility for their own issues. 

Find Support

Having support from friends, family members, or even external groups can also be a good way of getting perspective and knowing how to proceed (or whether to proceed at all) with a relationship. 

Focus On Your Wellbeing

Anger is normal, but that doesn’t make it acceptable. This means that if a narcissistic person frequently uses anger to get what they want, then you need to examine whether you need to be in this kind of relationship going forward. 

Your mental health, physical health, and general wellbeing, is far more important than that of the narcissist, so be sure to examine the situation and act in your own best interest going forward. 

Final Thoughts

And there we have it, everything you need to know about narcissistic behavior, and what you should do when a narcissist is mad at you. 

It’s certainly true that narcissistic relationships can be harmful and unpleasant for those involved, and there are many different routes that these relationships can go over time.

However, there are many resources and techniques available to help you get out and seek the help you need. 

So if you are worried you are in a narcissistic relationship, then be sure to follow this advice. Something tells me you won’t regret it!

Emergency Numbers

Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation’s largest organization fighting sexual violence: (800) 656-HOPE / (800) 810-7440 (TTY)

988 Mental Health Emergency Hotline: Calling 988 will connect you to a crisis counselor regardless of where you are in the United States.

911 Emergency

The National Runaway Safeline: 800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929)

Self Abuse Finally Ends (S.A.F.E)

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Trauma & Child Abuse Resource Center

Domestic Violence Shelters & Resources

Futures Without Violence

National Center for Victims of Crime

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

National Network to End Domestic Violence

National Sexual Violence Resource Center

Prevent Child Abuse America

Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC)

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine: 1-800-950-NAMI, or text “HELPLINE” to 62640. Both services are available between 10 a.m. and 10 p.m. ET, Monday–Friday

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.orgOr, just dial 988

Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support: www.suicide.org

Crisis Text Line: Text REASON to 741741 (free, confidential and 24/7). In English and Spanish

Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

Family Violence Helpline: 1-800-996-6228

American Association of Poison Control Centers: 1-800-222-1222

National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependency: 1-800-622-2255

LGBTQ Hotline: 1-888-843-4564

National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262)

The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 678678. Standard text messaging rates apply. Available 24/7/365. (Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning—LGBTQ—young people under 25.)

The SAGE LGBT Elder Hotline connects LGBT older people and caretakers with friendly responders. 1-877-360-LGBT (5428)

The Trans Lifeline is staffed by transgender people for transgender people:
1-877-565-8860 (United States)
1-877-330-6366 (Canada)

Veterans Crisis Line: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net

International Suicide Prevention Directory: findahelpline.com

The StrongHearts Native Helpline is a confidential and anonymous culturally appropriate domestic violence and dating violence helpline for Native Americans, available every day from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CT. Call 1-844-762-8483.

‘Find a Therapist’ Online Directories


UK & Republic of Ireland

  • Emergency: 112 or 999
  • Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK – local rate)
  • Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
  • Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI – local rate)
  • Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)
  • YourLifeCounts.org: https://yourlifecounts.org/find-help/

1 thought on “What To Do When A Narcissist Is Mad At You?”

  1. So I have been w a narc for 14 years! I made mistake to reverse on him and well I have changed who I am! I am a cancer n very empathetic n sensitive! I am on cusp tho for Leo and have finally put foot down n now worse then ever! So sad! I am scared cuz got weak lost independence and now just lost n stuck feeling helpless! I am a good person and asked him how cami be so evil? He said that’s not me n all the words narcissist say he says! I am trying cuz he has issues and Ibdo too! We both have PTSD and been thru so much! I am just trying to find my way thru this at the end! It’s sad cuz he pretends to love me n I think most hurtful is lies and knowing doesn’t love me so it’s not fun at this point! Any advice is much appreciated! I’m stuck in unstable life! I am one who needs security and love n I’m feeling so neglected and unimportant! It’s very hard cuz I am his trophy and loves to have me to show off! I’m 14 years younger so it’s like a prize! I read my life in this whole story!

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