* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.
I notice there are often posts asking for guidance on getting over heartbreak. I’m sharing some tips below that may be helpful. I hope it’s useful to some of you.
Some of the information I am listing is a bit new-agey, so if you don’t vibe with that, skip over it. Take what resonates with you, leave the rest
Sorry this is sooooo long. There’s so much to cover.
First lets cover a few Breakup Survival Guide things to avoid.
1. Online dating and dating in general.
Like attracts like. If you are broken you will only attract someone who is broken. Heal first. When you feel emotionally stable you can start dating again
2. Alcohol and drugs.
Not only are they unhealthy immune suppressants, they are also chemical depressants and they will lengthen your healing process. Sure, go out and have some cocktails with your girlfriends and cry in your martini, just don’t make it a habit. Don’t use it as a coping mechanism
3. Pain shopping.
Delete him from all social media. Delete his friends. Delete all of your photos of him. Pain shopping will set you back in the healing process
4. Toxic people.
That friend who degrades herself and her value for the fleeting attention of men? Drop her. That low value man you talk to for ego kibbles, block him
Forget about upleveling for now. You need to heal first. You can’t build on a weak foundation
Now on to the good stuff, do as much of this as you can.
25 Strategies to Get Over A Breakup
1. Make a list of the lies you believed about yourself and your relationship.
Replace each lie with a truth and when a painful thought pops into your head, replace it with a truth
Lie: I’m not good enough. Truth: you are more than good enough. You are perfect and beautiful just as you are
Lie: I’m ugly and stupid, that’s why he treated me that way. Truth: I’m neither ugly nor stupid.
How he treated me was about him and his inability to properly love someone.
Lie: I’m broken because of my past. I will never be whole. Truth: your past does not define you. You are enough. You are not broken nor unworthy.
2. Pray for guidance and healing.
Pray like hell. If you’re not spiritual , skip the praying and meditate on accepting light and healing
3. Talk to your girlfriends, your empathic friends who give you comfort.
If you don’t have close friends, vent here
4. Remove as many triggers as possible.
Change your playlist, your route home, your outfits. Anything that triggers you to think of him.
5. Journal.
Journal like your life depends on it. Get your thoughts out and onto paper. It’s cathartic
6. Exercise.
Do Yoga. Yoga’s poses and sequences are designed to release stagnant energy and to leave you feeling grounded and centered. Find a teacher that you love and go as often as possible. If you can’t or won’t do yoga, find some other physical exercise that you like and do it as often as you can
7. Meditate.
I teach mediation. I’m going to list two healing and centering meditation practices you can use at the end of this list
8. Cancel It.
Every time you think of him say “cancel cancel” or “brain, override oxytocin”.
9. Zoom a therapist.
Find a good therapist who is trained in cognitive behavioral therapy. If you can’t afford therapy, get “The Feeling Good Handbook” by Dr David Burns and devote at least 20 minutes per day to it.
You will become skilled at replacing negative thoughts about yourself with positive thoughts. This skill is particularly useful for those who grew up in toxic households
10. Find something you love and do it.
Take classes. You’ll learn something new and you’ll meet new people who have similar interests
11. Do something creative.
Even if you think you’re not creative. Find something to do with your hands. Go on Pinterest and find crafts. If you always wanted to learn how to paint/crochet/sew, whatever, now is the time to do it. It keeps your mind busy and creativity can be a healing experience for your heart
12. The Five stages of grief.
Learn them. Understand that you will fluctuate and go back and forth through them. Understanding the process is beneficial to your healing
13. Dark chocolate.
Whenever you feel depressed, have a piece of dark chocolate. It stimulates endorphins in the brain. Endorphins create pleasurable feelings and act as an anti depressant. There’s almost nothing a few pieces of dark chocolate and a hot bubble bath can’t fix
14. Get lots of rest.
Drink plenty of water. Never lose sleep over a man. Lack of sleep accelerates the aging process. If you have trouble sleeping find a guided meditation on YouTube. There are thousands of them and they are free
15. Cry.
Cry, A lot. Find something to induce the tears if you have to. I find videos of soldiers returning from deployment surprising their children. Gets me every time. Crying is a hugely cathartic
16. Laugh.
Laugh. A lot. Find funny videos. Hang out with your goofy friends. Laugh as hard as you can, as often as possible.
17. Breathe.
When you feel overcome by grief, remind yourself that it’s only a trigger. It will pass. Breathe, let it go. This too shall pass
18. Have a vision.
Make a vision board and load it with pictures of the life that you want. Mine has a picture of my dream home, a beautiful picture of my children laughing, pictures of places I want to travel and of the car that I want, to name a few.
I have it hung over my dresser and I look at it several times per day to remind myself that where I am in life isn’t permanent.
Bigger and better things await
19. Pamper yourself.
Do your nails, put sheet masks on your face or do at home facials, buy yourself something nice, take long salt baths. Epsom salt baths replace the much needed mineral, magnesium, which is highly beneficial to healing and releasing negative energy
20. Eat healthy and take supplements.
Avoid junk food. Don’t use food as a coping mechanism
21. Get a vibrator.
It will take the edge off and will help you if you are in danger of backsliding and texting him because you need a sexual release
22. Make a daily ritual and a monthly ritual.
My daily ritual is morning meditation and yoga followed by coffee😊.
My monthly ritual is staging my home and writing down whatever it is that I want to manifest in my life.
I do this on the night of the new moon. Your rituals can be anything you want, as long as it’s healing and healthy
23. Take yourself out!
Go to dinner, the library, shopping, coffee, whatever. Do this at least weekly. Spoil yourself. If you can’t afford to spoil yourself, find free things to do. An outdoor picnic, a hike, whatever makes you happy!
24. Change up your routine if you need to.
Go to work a different way, take a different exercise class. Some people thrive with the familiar, but sometimes a change will be helpful.
25. Distance yourself from “mutual” friends.
Unless they are solidly “team YOU” they are not healthy right now.
Remember this is only temporary and one day you will wake up and wonder why you were so sad over someone so unworthy of your energy.
You will heal.
You are worthy.
You are enough.
You are perfect just as you are!
This was a phenomenal Ted Talk. I really think it helped me untangle all of the emotions that were twisted up in my head.
Breathing and meditation practices:
This is a simple breathing exercise that stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which disengages “fight or flight”. It activated the right side brain, the calming side of the brain. It’s especially helpful during times you feel panicked and triggered. Also nice to do just before bed Left nostril breath: Sit comfortably. Head neck and chest In one line, body still. Cover your right nostril with your thumb. Take slow, smoothe breaths out of only the left nostril. Do this until you feel centered and calm.
Healing meditation:
Sit or lie comfortably, eyes closed. Take your awareness within. Notice where you are feeling the emotional pain in your body. Keep your awareness there, it could be one or multiple places. Experience the pain you are feeling and then imagine it to swirl in a tornado-like way. Visualize it rising up and leaving through the top of your head. Then experience the emotional pain that remains and imagine pushing it out of you with force. Now picture yourself in the most happy, peaceful place you can imagine and then imagine yourself accepting love, light and healing. Then rest and imagine yourself to remain glowing in that light
Your words are beautifully written . thank you for your generosity.Helping others suits you well! So appreciative
Light and more Light 2U