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8 Reasons a Narcissist will start hating their Spouse ?

* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.

No matter how much he appears to be in love with you in the beginning, as soon as the chase is over and he thinks you are completley his, he is going to hate you.

The reasons for why he hates you are myriad but this is the normal reaction that most narcissists have. (normal for narcissists, no one else) These are some of the things that stand out:

Reasons a narcissist will start hating their spouse

1. WEAKNESS

The fact that you fell for him makes you suspect. While he believes he is superior, he will believe you are really weak, stupid and not worthy of him.

2. IMPERFECTIONS

No matter how attractive you were to him at first, he starts noticing imperfections. Your long hair gets in his face, your short hair is too masculine. You wear too much makeup or you don’t wear enough. If you aren’t perfect, he will start to hate you.

3. CRITICISMS

Narcissists can’t take criticism. The things that you compliment him for become somehow twisted into criticism that you never meant that way. If you say “your new haircut looks nice” he will hear “your hair looked like shit before.” If you criticize him, he will hate you.

4. LACK OF FINANCIAL SUPPORT

Narcissists believe that if you love them, you will give them whatever they want: gifts,rent, car payments, groceries, etc. When you balk about the amount of money you are spending, he will feel unloved snd will therefore hate you.

5. BOREDOM

This is the thing that influences a narcissist more than anything. NOTHING and no one will ever be able to keep them excited for long. Sex, love, friends, sports, vacations, toys, cars, etc. It doesn’t matter. when the shine is off, boredom sets in and when you bore him, he is going to hate you.

image 4

It might have been a Narcissist who first said: Familiarity breeds contempt.

(In reality, according to Elyse Bruce of Idiomation.wordpress.com, almost everyone has said it, including Anthony Trollope (the Victorian novelist), Chaucer, St. Augustine, the 2nd A.D. Roman philosopher Lucius Apoleis, and even earlier Aesop in his fable “The Fox and the Lion” around the 6th century B.C.)

6. Close Proximity Is Disillusioning

One of the side effects of marriage is that close proximity takes away the illusion that our mate is some magical being who does not suffer from the usual human indignities—indigestion, a runny nose, constipation.

As Narcissists are low on empathy and only value that which appears perfect and special, this exposure to their spouse’s frailties can be very disillusioning.

They thought that they married someone special and now they realize that this person is an ordinary human.

7. Narcissists Take What They Already Have For granted

Narcissists are continually searching for the next thing that will prove that they are special. Like a dog who chases a rabbit simply because it is running,

Narcissists will spend their energy chasing whatever seems to be just out of reach.

The spouse is the prize that has already been won, and for that reason, is now taken for granted.

8. Narcissists Will Treat You As Badly As You Let Them

Most Narcissists are very low on empathy and are selfish.

This, coupled with their shaky self-esteem, leads them to devalue almost anyone who will put up with that behavior.

Devaluing others helps them feel superior.

As their spouse is handy and has already been “emptied” of most of her capacity for enhancing the Narcissistic husband’s self-esteem, he will devalue her.

If she puts up with it, he will do it more often.

Eventually, he will begin to despise her precisely because she allows him to devalue her.

Conclusion

Narcissists are continually searching for new Narcissistic supplies

. When they are not able to achieve something that temporarily makes them feel superior and special, they will resort to devaluing, lecturing, criticizing, and bullying anyone who lets them get away with it.

This is often their spouse.

Read More about Narcissist Abuse and Domestic Violence

Emergency Numbers

Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation’s largest organization fighting sexual violence: (800) 656-HOPE / (800) 810-7440 (TTY)

988 Mental Health Emergency Hotline: Calling 988 will connect you to a crisis counselor regardless of where you are in the United States.

911 Emergency

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Self Abuse Finally Ends (S.A.F.E)

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Trauma & Child Abuse Resource Center

Domestic Violence Shelters & Resources

Futures Without Violence

National Center for Victims of Crime

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

National Network to End Domestic Violence

National Sexual Violence Resource Center

Prevent Child Abuse America

Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC)

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine: 1-800-950-NAMI, or text “HELPLINE” to 62640. Both services are available between 10 a.m. and 10 p.m. ET, Monday–Friday

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.orgOr, just dial 988

Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support: www.suicide.org

Crisis Text Line: Text REASON to 741741 (free, confidential and 24/7). In English and Spanish

Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

Family Violence Helpline: 1-800-996-6228

American Association of Poison Control Centers: 1-800-222-1222

National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependency: 1-800-622-2255

LGBTQ Hotline: 1-888-843-4564

National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262)

The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 678678. Standard text messaging rates apply. Available 24/7/365. (Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning—LGBTQ—young people under 25.)

The SAGE LGBT Elder Hotline connects LGBT older people and caretakers with friendly responders. 1-877-360-LGBT (5428)

The Trans Lifeline is staffed by transgender people for transgender people:
1-877-565-8860 (United States)
1-877-330-6366 (Canada)

Veterans Crisis Line: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net

International Suicide Prevention Directory: findahelpline.com

The StrongHearts Native Helpline is a confidential and anonymous culturally appropriate domestic violence and dating violence helpline for Native Americans, available every day from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CT. Call 1-844-762-8483.

‘Find a Therapist’ Online Directories

Canada

UK & Republic of Ireland

  • Emergency: 112 or 999
  • Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK – local rate)
  • Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
  • Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI – local rate)
  • Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)
  • YourLifeCounts.org: https://yourlifecounts.org/find-help/

64 thoughts on “8 Reasons a Narcissist will start hating their Spouse ?”

  1. Have been in Relatuonships with Narcs- because I have a Empathetic personality, you educate yourself about them- and you build your self esteem UP because you know what they do. The trick is to not believe anything they say about you personally

    1. I RAN A FTER 21 YRS AND NEVER LQQKED BACK!! MY LIFE IS FINALLY ON CLOUD 9 !!! BEST DESISION I EVER MADE. I WAS FEARED FOR MY FOR QUITE AWHILE. HOW COULD I EVER THINK SOMEONE THAN CAN TRY AND KILL ME LUVS ME!!! I was SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR THE LONGEST!!!! BUG I GOT SOBER ON SLCOHOL AND GOT MY HEAD VERY CLEAR. HE NEVER COMPLIMENTING OR NUTTINJUST WOOD BEG MD TO DRING!!! I said know I luv where I’m at and I gotta go!!! IF U CALL THIS S 20YR LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP THEN CHOKED MRR WE OUT AND PUSHED ME DOWN MY HALLWAY AND I HIT AN OLD CROCK IT HIT A MAIN ARTERY. I WENT OUT SO HE PUT ME BACK ON THE COUCH THE GRONG WAY #1NEVER EVER HAVE I LAID THAT WAY. I OPENED MY EYES AT DAYLIGHT MY PHONE FACE COUCH HAIR ALL CRUSTED IN BLOOD HE THOUGHT HE KILLED ME I WAS FEELIN SOMEONE NEXT TO ME AND HE PEEKED AROUND AND MY EYES WERE OPEN. HE DID HIS FAKE CRY DID I DO THAT…..NO CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOUST CAME IN LAST NIGHT. I ENDED UP GETTIN ORDER OF PROTECTION FOR ME MY DAUGHTER AND 3 GRANDBABIES GOF FOUR YRS BU TH I WLAYS HAD YO BE AWARE OF MY SURROUNDINGS WHEN I CAME IN AT NIGHT I GOT THAT INAPRIL OF 2016 FOR FOUR YRS THEN EXTRNDIND!!! I WAS MAD AT MYSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING FOR SOMDD ED OF THR SHIT THAT HAPPEND TO ME CUZZ I KEPT GETTINNPLEEZ BABY I LUV U LETS EORK IT OUT. NOPE WHEN U TAKE THE ACOHOL OUTTA THE PIC BOY DOES IT CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE ON EVERYTHING. I DONKNOW MY FEAR IS GONE ITS THE BEST THING I EVER DID IM AT 10YRS SOBER!!!! AND I DONT HAVE TO PRAY RVERYSINGLR NIGHT ANYMORE I NEVER SEE HIS FACE AS LONGBASVI LIVE!!! THANKYA JESUS. EVERY THING I READ FOR 7 months AFTER IT INITIALLY HSPPENED. I READ SND READ AND EVERY SINGLE THING I READ PERTAINED TO SIMTHIN INVOLVED IN ALL THOSE YRS. AND I MEAN ON THE $$STORIES!!!! There wasn’t NUTTIN that never happened. I’m glad I never looked back. When I got my head straight it was soaking in. He had 6/7DUIS HE D NEVER HAVE ANOTHER LICENSE IF IT PERTAINS TO ANYONE OF U RUN AND DONT LOOK BACK. ITS HORRIFYING TORTURE!!!

      1. My dear, I am glad you came out alive. I ran away after 20 years. I am happy I can still remember my name after what I suffered from him. Time will heal us. So, hang in there. We are victorious.

  2. Am in a narcs relationship and he sits in another room to me giving me the silent treatment im at the stage where i couldnt care less anymore what he does ,he threatens to leave every day i wish he would but he’s still here, hes never got any money and tries to get mine but i refuse to let him have it why wont he just go we are so bored of each other his spiteful games don’t work in me they used to but not now

        1. Why do you stay in that kind of Drama and unhappiness everyone has a choice. I Didn’t think I could get out after 10years of abuse and I couldn’t thank God more for getting me out of a horrible marriage. Nobody would never knew all the pain I went through me and my kids. Never stay for the kids because my kids are adults now and still remember all the abuse so, your not doing the kids any favors by staying in a horrible every day to day life.

        1. Cindy..BELIEVE ME, THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE A NARCISSIST GUY, is “”GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE”. Leave him as as soon as you can ! They only get worst with time!!!! Sherry R.

        2. This hurts my heart, I used to get in the shower and cry and ask God to remove my soon to be ex husband out of my life. These types of people are sick. And it is really sad. Especially when you have children with them. Mine left me and my kids without nothing and stole money and moved in with his new supply in 2017 and just now filed for a divorce for the second time the first time he didn’t have a lawyer. He just wanted to empress the new supply. By making her feel she took him from me and our kids. He acted as if I am the reason for the divorce. He had his side chick who is a Drug Felon. File restraining orders on me. Knowing she would win in court because I couldn’t hold back my emotions. So of course the judge granted the restraining order. The restraining order has been done. But I realize now that was a narc tactic to make me look as bad as her.He does so much evil stuff to me and doesn’t see the bigger picture. If I am hurt my children hurt, he is just a evil person.

        3. Totally disagree. Pay close attention because we are so often distracted with our feelings that can’t understand that the Lord is trying to get your attention. From a person in the middle of breaking up with a narcissist. Please leave because nothing is going to get better. I gave 28 years of my life and realized God was trying to get my attention long time ago.

        4. Cindy, God does help… Ask Him for the strength to get out. Sometimes He is just waiting on us to do the first step.My ex husband was a narc. Even when some people says that divorce is a sin, trust me God never intended for any of us to stay in a situation that can destroy us…

        5. I’ve only been aware of the narcissist word these past few years. It’s been 20 yrs of physical and mental abuse. I’m a Christian and it’s my second marriage so I stayed put. praying like you. I’ve learned that he is a narcissist over the past few years. Anyway, a few years ago church with me but he cldn’t get out quick enough. I decided to change church with me and AMAZING!!!! He is a changed man getting better over the maybe 5 yrs we’ve been attending that church. He’s found God so please don’t give up on God. Trble now is he’s overprotective. maybe this is another side of a narcissist but it’s better than put down, threats, screaming at me. if I had my life again would I marry him? NO but for those who have a belief in God who haven’t had an answer to prayer. God is able .

        6. That’s not true Cindy GOD answers prayer u have got to have the faith that GOD is going to answer your prayer u just got to believe and have FAITH ok. GOD LOVES YOU

      1. I don’t get it! Why is everyone waiting for god or some other being to help them out of these nonsensical relationships? Stop crying and complaining and get out!! Everyone is waiting for the husband to leave or whatever, get up and get yourself out of these relationships!! You’ll all be better off without these losers!!

      2. me too…I can have a great day…then go home and mu hubs comes home..within 5 minutes he will find the stupidest stuff to complain about…something I did 20 yrs ago…it’s to much..I keep telling myself I need to get out..

    1. Hi all, I was in a marriage with a narc for 21 years. All of these behaviors are familiar. I would not give up improving myself, getting a better job, a beautiful home and making friends. They hate when you are happy and yes, he finally left for his new supply. After raging a fit and being told to leave by police. Needless to say my children and I are happy it’s gone.

    2. Oh, I’m so sorry you’re going through that. That was me 8 months ago. I got away, no contact, but if I can offer any advice, do it sooner than later. I suffered more by waiting for him to discard me. I had stopped giving him positive supply, but I didn’t realize that my negative comments and disapproval were also supply, and possibly even better since I was more passionate about my disgust than I was about our relationship. I wanted him to discard me first, so he wouldn’t suffer narc injury and then never leave me alone, the compulsive hoovering is pathetic and I was really done with him.
      As I waited for the discard, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and that did not inspire him to treat me humanely. Not at all. He ramped up the sadistic abuse where I’m confused and upset and sleep deprived not realizing that everything that unfolded which triggered him to scream at me and throw me unto the floor was all planned out ahead. It wasn’t by chance. He smirked extra at the fact that I wasn’t aware of the true depths of his depravity. He was eventually arrested for domestic violence after assaulting me 6 days after I had cancer surgery and was supposed to be healing and recovering. He told both me and my care team that he would stay home with me to ensure I had everything I needed. He did the opposite. Again it was sadistically motivated, and intentionally chose that time to give me a week of silent treatment and left the house to have fun with other women, without cancer. He was held overnight and released. At one point after he was taken to the precinct to be booked, he scratched his own neck, and told a guard he needed them to come and take a picture, and there were huge red scratches on his neck. He told the police that I did it, which was absolutely false. But that’s a snapshot of how hateful and cruel they will act out as they prepare for the final discard. I didn’t benefit much by waiting for him to discard me first. He’s currently full on disinformation, and smear campaign, spreading awful lies for damage control. Only those who just met him or who barely know him believe his shameless lies, which is what he is shameless. They don’t feel bad for harming you, even if you have cancer. He’s telling everyone that I’m the abuser, and he’s the victim. Quality people aren’t impressed by him, and they don’t care that he’s a victim in his own mind.
      It was like living a fairytale: Pinocchio. Haha! After months of sadness and grieving the relationship, I can laugh about certain elements of the experience that are ridiculous. It’s a tragicomedy.

      I’ll be rooting for you and sending positive thoughts and energy your way for your safe escape. If you have to stay in the house, record him threatening you or whatever he does that is illegal to intimidate you. Some states are illegal to record without permission, but there are some caveats which permit it, like if it’s outside or recorded by the ring camera or other surveillance system where privacy isn’t expected. In Washington state there’s a new law which allows recording during a violent attack. Be safe, and don’t allow them to bait you into arguing or getting angry at them. The best revenge is getting away with our lives and the ability to enjoy life and connect with others in a deeper manner than they’re capable of.

  3. Presently married for 14 yrs,reading these stories(i thought i was alone,
    having to go through all the pain,hurt,everything that a narcissists make u out do,be,& label u as a person your not,+ more
    Well,im homeless now
    This is how he whats me to be besides how it was in our home.
    To tell u honestly.
    I know being on the streets is no fun, its scary,etc. But, i am happy i dont have to be at NO expecting whats gonna happened to me next.
    Thank you for your time
    Eileen Koinva Odom

    1. I have been separated from my husband from my husband for the last 6 yrs. We have just gotten divorced. He left me and our children out on the street with no where to go no car and no money. In court he was awarded full custody of our children and the judge wouldn’t give me any parenting time. He took everything from us and then took the only things I ever did my best to protect away from me too. The children. Though I am happy the nightmare with is at an end I am devastated that the judge wouldn’t even listen to me and hear my side of things. The result was me losing my children to this man I refer to as a heartless animal.

      1. This is awful. Do you have any contact with your children now? Perhaps you can find an attorney willing to give you free advice. Hang in there. You are strong and brave.

    2. Marlene Haigler

      Oh my gosh that is horrible. I really feel for you. It’s really hard because you don’t wanna be a burden to other people either. I hope you’re doing better. Good luck to you God bless.

  4. Holy shit. Me too. There’s so much, I cant even talk about any of it. Blessed be. May we all conquer this hell.

  5. I’m in shock at how everyone of these fit my ex!!! He left suddenly 12/29/20 and never looked back. Of course it had been building up but I refused to believe it would end. But reading this our 10 year relationship fit this step by step. The bad thing is these narcs leaving us women, or at least me, with a low, low self-esteem

  6. I thought I was all alone in this for a long time. Things went downhill as soon as we moved in together, I guess because of the close proximity thing. He quickly started to devalue me and “bully” me for NORMAL every day things I did, such as my hair or even (this is embarrassing) being on my period! it My boyfriend’s go to method is the silent treatment with me, I guess because he knows it would hurt me the most and it does. I’ve started not reacting to anything he does because like a child all he really wants is someone’s attention and I refuse to give into it…it works for awhile but IM not happy, I’m miserable and exhausted pretending to be as cold as he is. It breaks my heart to have to walk around “angry” when I’m such a loving person. I just pray I find the strength soon to leave him, I can tell I’m almost at my breaking point because I’m starting not to care about anything he does… I mean what more could he do then what he’s already done is the way I look at it so no need to get upset. I pray we all find strength in dealing with these narcissists

    1. Kenya, I’m in the exact same boat. I do try to be cold and indifferent to his treatment of me as I know that is the best approach, but like you, I’m naturally very empathetic and kind hearted and it’s next to impossible to keep up the act. And like you, I’m also tired and feel my breaking point quickly approaching. Sadly, I’m still very much in love with this person despite all the pain and destruction they have brought to my life. Such a sad and arduous ordeal. Wishing you lots of strength and love, all the very best in life.

      1. please start working up the strength to leave…narcs only get worse with time..and will leave you with damaged self esteem…the sooner you leave, the better…I finally left after 7years and I wish I left after day 1…

      2. You don’t love him. You love the person he used to be when you first met. He no longer exists You need to focus on that. He is what he really is and will NEVER EVER change. Do not waste your life on somebody who does not care if you live ir die. Save yourself you will find you will be much much happier.

    2. CHRISTINE FANELLE

      Omg same my husband 20 yrs I’m just seeing the real him its crazy and I don’t lie he does about everything constantly putting me down and talking to my kids about me they tell me my daughter is almost 16 and not much longer im out my daughter says mom how did you put up with this for 20yrs made me cry im glad im not alone

    3. I am with you my husband does this exact same stuff he has hit me several times, he calls me names, he wants sec but no relationship now. He makes of little flaws and everything is my fault . Yet he tells me I am the Narccist and makes me honestly feel like I am going insane. Usually I am the one leaving and losing my jobs i am not this time. I have stuck it out I will continue to stick it out until I can’t no more I am tired of having to start over and be miserable because he is I am ignoring my hinge he says now and I am living for me it’s my time and for me and I am loving person as well so I get that but I am taking control I was not allowed to talk to family or have any of my pay checks no more it he does not go soon I am going to get my own place and I will not tell him a thing about it then says everything is his bi**** we are Legalky married and Living together for 5 years it does jkr matter who’s name the car is in it’s legally both of ours and will have to be split in the divorce he tries to tow con me into signing papers because I have all this proof against him where he has hit me said I killed my sister told me to kill myself even and hit me and all and he knows his ass is going down if we go to court otherwise he would have filled out by now also he is talking to others and sleeping with them and admitted it while we are together but it’s all good I am ok I ignore it now

    4. Don’t let him change you into something your not! If you are a joyful person be joyful. Don’t match his childish ways just to survive the day. Just leave! I did with my 2 girls after being with him since 16 years old. 18 years of it and it’s true. It leaves you with low self esteem. It affects every part of you as a living breathing human. You will never be able to understand how someone who claims to love you so much could hurt you so bad and appear to not give a shit whatsoever! Like the person that is supposed to love you and keep you safe just doesn’t care anymore how much he hurts your feelings or triggers your insecurities. You could cry your heart out and he will make you feel weak and less for being upset because everything that requires empathy is a burden…even if only for a moment

    5. One word leave. I am with a narcasist 15 years. Finally realized the best solution is to get out. I’m still in the relationship but I’m bring pushed hard to the edge. I really want to avoid calling the police. But if I don’t do it my family will. Something is going to happen. Unfortunately the only solution is to leave him.

  7. Really interesting article. I wish I had known long ago what a narcissist is; would have saved me so much pain and grief. Narcissists get away with a lot of silent abuse. An example from Finland is Harri Mutka who appears to be a decent, caring human being but in reality it is all a show; behind closed doors he is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, addicted to porn and to havng new women all the time . No empathy at all and will easily ruin a woman’s life as soon as he has secured a new replacement.

  8. I am totally astonished I live with an narcist for about 35 years and I thought these are life struggles everytime I faced any problem in my marriage. He loved me so much he did such wonderful things before we got married then everything changed but I survived till now. I feel fatigued but I have to go on for the sake of my children . I don’t need his money but I am eager for his empathy which I will not get anymore. I pray everyday to survive this relationship and your comments make me stronger since I know that is a personality problem and now I read more about how to deal with it. Hope we all survive these relationships. God be with us.

    1. You need to leave. Not survivie it does nothing good fir your children to watch their mother accept bad behaviour.

  9. I’m planning on writing a book…pipe dream? I hope and pray it isn’t. I’ve been married 38 years…39+ living with a narcissistic husband. Before that, my mom perhaps, a few similar traits. Who knows? My point being, I should’ve understood whom or what I was dealing with. I heard of of course, of narcissist people dozens of years ago, but knowing very little of it’s meaning until probably 7 years ago, So I’ve placed myself and my knowledge of it on basically a continuing, emancipated sort of learning curve. Right now, and for several years, I’ve been met with (sadly) gaslighting,….such a strange term and not easily recognizable to loving, empathetic women. But, know it, learn about it and understand how and why it exists. Anyway…there is no cure for life except to live it. I wish all of you loving, kind and thoughtful friends many more tons of “backbone.” Thank you!

    1. Your comment about your husband having similar traits as your Mom, reminded me of something I heard on the View, from one of the hosts, she said that, Women marry men that remind them of thier Mothers, I thought at first, that sounded ridiculous, but after years of being married to a psychopath narcissist it was true in my case, the pain, sadness and rejection is so familiar that it felt normal. When you are mentally and physically abused as a child you grow up thinking that you deserve it . I left him once but was too scared of what other evil is out there, at least I know how far he would take his madness. Dang, I wish I could have a do over, I wish I never met this man, Why would God put a Man like this in my path, maybe when I meet him he will tell me.

  10. Dear everyone I am a 57-year-old widow of 8 years I started to date again and I happened to date an acquaintance friend of knowing him over 5 years but we lived in different states I read all the comments about other people dating or living with the narcissist they are all true I never would have believed that I have put myself in the position that I was in I too wanted things to work everything that I read mirrors my life of being together 6 months I moved in with him from another state I was told we was going to send for my car to be shipped never happened I was told we will buy a car never happened he would just take me to work it hurts so bad to read the things that people do to others and you right they don’t want to be told that they’re narcissists it’s embarrassing to say the least of what I went through with him he treated me as I was a queen the finest things in life he offered and gave but then he would talk to me very crude and nasty for no reason and when I would address the issue he would tell me he was sick of me and if I didn’t like it I could pack my s*** and leave and one time too many he asked me if I didn’t like it leave and I did pack my things with no place to go no car and he came home from work I had to quit my job because I had no way to get there he came home tried to have a confrontation but I did give in to that so he called the police and said that he had given me a 30-day notice to leave and I would not leave and I shoved him and he said that it was domestic violence and that’s in this commonwealth state warrants may have to leave and makes the 30-day letter invalid because he said I put this hands on him and never did and he never touched me and he lied and I was so hurt that he actually stooped to that level but all is well I left in the taxi and I just now need to put this behind me and leave this state because it’s very hurtful I’m over the hurt for the moment I think now I’m just angry that he did it that way controlling he wants to tell you how to wear your clothes wear your hair what to bathe in with soap what shoes to wear the list goes on and on the silent treatment you don’t know from one day to the next who you going to wake up with and sometimes you don’t know who’s going to pick you up from work Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde and 5 minutes later they’re being sweet and nice and by the time you come out the shower you got the silent treatment next morning it’s good morning babe and that lasts for a few weeks and then the cycle begins over again please get out of the relationship and don’t look back because it can become violent he never hit me but he gave the impression that he would and I’m not a weak woman I will speak up and he didn’t like that. It’s sad that the man you love hates you and then the next moment he loves you then he hates you the emotional roller coaster get off of it get your life back.

  11. Lord knows im reading and after 26 yrs im thinking ive waisted the best yrs of my life with a never satisfyed no emphathy about how ive felt after going thru hell with him only to realize this is who iHE IS A NARSASIST AND IF I CONTINUE.MY SON WILL BE JUST LIKE HIM AS I SEE THE TRAITS BEGINNING WITH HIM AND HIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL FRIEND THE SILENT TREATMENTS CHEATING ETC IVE GOT TO FINALIZE THIS DIVORCE THANKS ALL I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE WOW

  12. I lived 30 years with a narcissist. At the time we were married I didn’t know what a narcissist person was. But his whole family is the same way. My 3 children are the same way. It’s very difficult to live with my daughter. Have to be careful what I say. He left me for his cousin. She deserves him. Did me a favor. Life is better now

  13. Arlene Gonzalez

    I went through the same thing. I got tired after eleven years. I walked out and never returned. I’m still hurting behind it because I was good to him… I put my faith in the Lord. I’m Happy I’m not in that situation anymore

  14. Dianne Langkil

    It amazes me how all of our stories are so much the same, love bombing, gifts, compliments, happiness for a while. Then after the Narcissist gets bored with us they look for a new supply behind our back’s, start several affair’s, lie like a dog, talk to us like we are dirt, order us around like we are their personal maid & housekeeper. If we ever don’t agree with them in any subject they tell us “ shut up & go to your room”. After being gone from 11:30am till 8:30pm when he calls to ask “ what’s for dinner?” He comes home & calls me a psycho bitch from hell because when he called I saw his picture on my phone & answered “what” I was angry he didn’t have the respect to call me all day, so he is upset I was disrespectful to him.when I answered the phone. Never mind he was gone all day, never called to say where he was or when he would be home. Later found out he was with a porn girl he paid for a good time with money from our joint bank account. I filed for divorce. Wasted 31 years of my life he is already living with 2 other women. Oh yes he misses me so much. Ba hum bug! I already feel better, no one screams at me if I spill something, or make a mistake, or make something he doesn’t feel like eating for dinner. It is so much more peaceful than it has been in years.

    1. I’m praying God deliver us all. No that God love is all. And don’t believe the lies of the Narc and the enemy. Believe God and his Promises and know who we are in God and know or worth. Know that God knows of worth and has better for us. God will never leave us nor forsake us. God said to give him our cares and worries, and he will supply every one of our needs and desires. Know that the Battle is not ours but the Lords.
      Do Not Staff in A Toxic Relationship it isn’t Healthy! Be Blessed And Safe. God Loves You!

  15. I love it when someone says ” just leave” its not that simple it takes money and a place to go. So yes Iam stuck in this pathetic relationship ha or whatever you call it. And yes its tiring and fake and sucks. Hard to believe at 62 yrs. old this is how it is. I hate him and what hes done tyo my life.

  16. Sweetness intact

    Basic psychology should be taught in high school. I was 16 when I met mine. I’m now going on 56. I used to be quite beautiful from what I was told…I always wondered if getting older would make him not like me? The years have been hard on my family. I have 2 boys and a daughter with downs syndrome. My boys don’t even talk to me anymore. My 84 yr. old mother has come to live with us. I have to do almost everything for her. Instead of helping me, he decided that I’m doing too much for ” my mother” and nothing for our family. He yells and cusses me daily.
    My mother wants us 3 girls to leave. I can’t though because I really don’t think I could support us. I was a stay at home mom for 20 years. So the job opportunities are not good. At this point in my life…I’m stuck. I don’t have anyone to call or any other support. (family or friends) Oh yeah… I forgot, I have health issues that make just my day to day hard. I’m glad that he gives me the silent treatment though. It doesn’t bother me anymore. The funny thing is that I think that they start fights to make us mad at them so we don’t want to be around. Then if they give us the silent treatment, they are free to watch porn, flirt with whomever or do whatever they please. I’m so sad that I’ve wasted my whole life on this guy and I have nothing. Thats why psychology should be taught. At 16, I never knew that there were people like this in the world, or that they get off by making people miserable. Now I just hope that he dies before I do so that I can hopefully have some happy time and just maybe my boys will come back and let me see my grand daughters..

  17. Danielle Rostant

    Why are articles written with the perspective that Narcissists are MALE. There are female narcissists as well.
    try and be gender neutral when writing articles… we want equality of the sexes but we remain biased in our thinking. It isn’t right.

    1. Danielle I agree with you 100%. The female version isn’t talked about best enough. They hide it much better and automatically claim fall right into the victim role because they have already been smearing you ti everyone before you are even aware of what they are. I am just a few weeks outbof my relationship with one who has every single characteristic and has followed the exact pattern of behavior that is so typical. She had been a theater, speech, and drama teacher at the local high school for more than 20 years. Had been through multiple failed relationships but had always made each guy out to be crazy and herself to be the victim just as she is now with me. She’s an professional acting teacher and everyone still buys into her insanely over exaggerated timeline of events in which she would quietly provoke me to the point I would stand up for myself and then it was all my fault. I was a successful mentally strong good hearted person when I met her. I have been a full time single dad for 8 years and never been I. Trouble my entire life. I began to suffer anxiety and panic attacks, followed by outbursts of rage, and it took my a while to realize how she would insult and belittle me calling me every derogatory name there is but always begind closed doors. She forced me to have a psych exam done tryjng to convince me I was crazy and needed put in an inpatient mental hospital. I was checked and released. She was livid. It got to the point I was literally having hallucinations, as in seeing multiple different people in our home that were there sometimes 3 or 4 in a day, so real that I would ask her who was I. The other room which only played more into her “show” ad I called it. I went immediately back to my dr and he diagnosed me with PTSD, from a relationship that was only a year and a half. She shortly after that waited will we had an argument. And I left for work and she took my 3 kids removed them from school and went and had them placed i police protective custody saying they needed to go check our house. Becasue I had committed suicide and she didn’t know what to do with my kids but they couldn’t stay with her. I was at work. I am to the the state have my kids back 30 days later as they deemed her to be the problem. She is now trying to take the home we purchased together in which I took almost 50 thousand dollars out of my company to get the house and she says I get nothing it’s all hers. It’s been 2 months and all she does I cotinue to stonewall me until she needs somethjng. She will call and tell me I have so many day to get out of her house before my kids are homeless , she refuses to take the rest of her belongings and I refuse to leave. It’s not her house. We bought it together and I told her bd she wants ti give me my investment back she can have it. She’s knows I lost almost -$20000 getting out of my last relationship and she she’s trying to do the same. Every single thing I opened up to her about and trusted her with she has used against me. Just this week our therapist who we seen together over the summer and I have seen myself I. A weekly basis since, he tells me not only is she narcissistic by every trait there is but he’s confident she has borderline personality tendencies as well. I told him that’s what she always tried to label me as and he said no, absolutely not, that I’m an Empath which is how I figured her out much sooner than most. I had been telling him for months that I swear there was 2 different people that i lived with. She had lived with us for 6 months before we bought this house that she loved and as soon as we moved in that’s when it started. It had been a struggle for me to let go because she was real, and presented herself to be the person I had always wanted, I had 2 previous failed relationships the first ended up a druggy who cheated on me multiple times and the other was a severe abusive alcoholic. I was done with women and not looking for anyone when I met her. She was perfect and I fell hard. As did she or at least pretend she did. I put trust I no longer had in her. I told myself she was the one that I suffered through the other 2 relationships and she was my reward. I had seriously considered suicide at Christmas. My kids had always been my life, but she had hurt me so bad even after what I had been though before, that I was literally giving up and had prepared for it after the kids left for school that day. My youngest son woke up sick and stayed home, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it when he was home. I seen that as a sign from God to not take the easy way out and to learn as much as I could and make as many people aware of these heartless soulless creatures that thrive on other people’s happiness and joy, they suck the life clean out of you and then blame you for it as they go one without any remorse. So yes, women narcissists do exist, they hide better, they think they will never be revealed. So if you think you have one, make everyone aware, and I mean everyone becasue their public image is what is most important to them. There’s really nothing else besides not reacting to them and moving and figuring out how to be happy and trust people again if it’s even possible. And if you do end up with someone real who makes you a happy ‘make it known. Put pics on social media, be affectionate in public. Tell everyone. Cause they are always watching you from a distance because to them they own you and will try anything they can to get back in. God does not approve of them and their selfish behavior, it’s mentioned 3 times in the Bible, he doesn’t strike them down himself, he lets their own selfish actions rid the world of them.

    2. Thank you Danielle. My wife is the narc in our relationship. She shows most of the tell tale signs.
      I am always wrong, I am a bad parent, especially when I insist my kids be and do better. I am constantly questioned about my phone or any, and yes I mean any, conversation I’ve had with people. She is super jealous that the grandkids run to me first and would rather be with me. Our kids have told me things about their mother but if I share that with her, she will accuse me of making it up or manipulating them. She holds grudges for weeks. She denies intimate time with me, because she is mad at me. I could go on.
      Women can be narcs. I am living with one. Divorce is not my thing, and I’m not sure I want to stay either.

  18. Thanks for all the share’s because I can totally re
    Late to many of the behaviours.
    Silent treatment
    It’s always my fault
    I am practicing not to react and stopped focusing
    On all of his antics. I’ve literally learned to detach
    I enjoy the good times we have and now
    Recognize the behaviour when it starts. He did
    Withhold money or about our finances. Now he
    With holds being affectionate .

  19. I’m a 60 year old man. and I’m still married to this what I call a F…ING NUT CASE. BUT IN A MARRIED YOU WANNA TRUST YOUR SPOUSE. WHICH I DID “MAYBE TO MUCH ” but we own your house hardly any bills. but I started noticing my money in my private banking account was slowly disappearing and she had 2 phones. and then the lies started along with arguments after arguments and always ending my fault. will she was taking my bank card and gotten money from the ATM and sending it to someone else in Virginia ..I found out about all of this was because this crazy nut case was leaving and the receipts along with hand written notes all over the house I found stuff everywhere and showed her everything I had and it got worse. she ended up putting Fentanyl in my food and was in the hospital for over 2 weeks. she got the drug at a nursing home she worked at. but she knew I was closing in on her and she walked away over 3 years ago and haven’t seen or heard from her since. but there’s more. and there isn’t a day that goes by that this doesn’t play in my head and what went wrong and was I at fault somehow. I have enough evidence to put her in prison for a long time. but can’t find her and wouldn’t know where to look. and I know there’s a lot of people that’s went through way worse and more horrible than I did it’s I trusted my wife and I didn’t know what to look for and didn’t really know what to do after I found out. thank you to anyone who took the time to read this

  20. I’ve heard the label “Narcissist” thrown out so much by women it’s definition changed to “any man that doesn’t satisfy my narcissism.” Got a divorce because she cheated on me, but mostly because I was sick of being married to her. Yeah, our marriage counselor started off with the presumption that I was a narcissist until I showed her with bank statements and other inconvenient truths that while I worked my ass off to support her and my children in comfort for 30 years, sometimes working as many as 80 hours a week, she sat on her ass most of the time watching TV, going out to eat with her friends, definitely not raising our kids a whole lot, house always messy no matter how hard I tried to keep it up, She went on cruises and Vegas with her dad. She spent her small paycheck solely on herself, I had not bought new clothes in 10 years. I spent only $50 a month on myself to occasionally eat a cheap meal at work while she spent as much $60 on a single meal with her friends. So when the divorce came, I got a litany on my verbal abuse. Yeah I complained about about doing all the work and paying for everything for not a single lunch or dinner prepared for me or evn a word of gratitude. I was holding her back. Never mind I kept begging her to get an advanced degree so that we would have two paychecks and I wouldn’t have to move to multiple states to improve my career and pay to pamper her. I constrained her. From what? Vegas, cruises. I haven’t been on a real vacation in 25 years (if you don’t count visiting my parents on my time off). I didn’t woo her. Hard to woo when your dead tired from working and you get no sex in return. Not much motivation there. Sure we men are all narcissists when you want to dump him and screw him in a divorce. Take a good look at yourselves before you deflect who YOU really are,

  21. I was married to a Narcissist. we split up in January when i found out he had been cheating on me. he got angry with me because i found out. he owes me thousands of dollars and i am going to take him to small claims court for all the money he owes me to this day, he has convinced the girl he was having an affair with behind my back that i was his landlady and that our relationship was all in my head. I know his world will come tumbling down one day and I can’t wait for others to see him for what he is, he cheats and denies at all cost, he turns around and accuses me of cheating on him, domestic abuse is very normal to him’.. I had to get hacking proof from this software guru at ‘hackingloop6@gmail . com’ to help me hack his phone and social media platforms, I was able to gather enough proofs of all his extramarital activities, Contact the tech genius also on WhatsApp + 1 (4 8 4) 5 4 0 – 0 7 8 5, if you have similar issue , His services are affordable .he helped me with the evidence i needed through my divorce.

  22. I was married to a narcissist for 11 yrs. Everything was great until we moved to Florida away from family &friends. Everything went to hell after that. He was having another affair. He kept threatening divorce & asking ‘Haven’t you ever seen that TV show Disappeared?” Finally after saving every penny I could, on Christmas Eve morning, the doorbell rang & it was my ex’s Christmas present…divorce papers. As he was served papers, I said, “Merry Christmas, dear”.

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