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8 reasons a Narcissist will start hating their Partner?

    * I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.

    No matter how much he appears to be in love with you in the beginning, as soon as the chase is over and he thinks you are completley his, he is going to hate you.

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    The reasons for why he hates you are myriad but this is the normal reaction that most narcissists have. (normal for narcissists, no one else) These are some of the things that stand out:

    1. WEAKNESS

    The fact that you fell for him makes you suspect. While he believes he is superior, he will believe you are really weak, stupid and not worthy of him.

    2. IMPERFECTIONS

    No matter how attractive you were to him at first, he starts noticing imperfections. Your long hair gets in his face, your short hair is too masculine. You wear too much makeup or you don’t wear enough. If you aren’t perfect, he will start to hate you.

    3. CRITICISMS

    Narcissists can’t take criticism. The things that you compliment him for become somehow twisted into criticism that you never meant that way. If you say “your new haircut looks nice” he will hear “your hair looked like shit before.” If you criticize him, he will hate you.

    4. LACK OF FINANCIAL SUPPORT

    Narcissists believe that if you love them, you will give them whatever they want: gifts,rent, car payments, groceries, etc. When you balk about the amount of money you are spending, he will feel unloved snd will therefore hate you.

    5. BOREDOM

    This is the thing that influences a narcissist more than anything. NOTHING and no one will ever be able to keep them excited for long. Sex, love, friends, sports, vacations, toys, cars, etc. It doesn’t matter. when the shine is off, boredom sets in and when you bore him, he is going to hate you.

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    If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn more about therapy, please see below:

    For more information on mental health, please see:

    It might have been a Narcissist who first said: Familiarity breeds contempt.

    (In reality, according to Elyse Bruce of Idiomation.wordpress.com, almost everyone has said it, including Anthony Trollope (the Victorian novelist), Chaucer, St. Augustine, the 2nd A.D. Roman philosopher Lucius Apoleis, and even earlier Aesop in his fable “The Fox and the Lion” around the 6th century B.C.)

    6. Close Proximity Is Disillusioning

    One of the side effects of marriage is that close proximity takes away the illusion that our mate is some magical being who does not suffer from the usual human indignities—indigestion, a runny nose, constipation.

    As Narcissists are low on empathy and only value that which appears perfect and special, this exposure to their spouse’s frailties can be very disillusioning.

    They thought that they married someone special and now they realize that this person is an ordinary human.

    7. Narcissists Take What They Already Have For granted

    Narcissists are continually searching for the next thing that will prove that they are special. Like a dog who chases a rabbit simply because it is running,

    Narcissists will spend their energy chasing whatever seems to be just out of reach.

    The spouse is the prize that has already been won, and for that reason, is now taken for granted.

    8. Narcissists Will Treat You As Badly As You Let Them

    Most Narcissists are very low on empathy and are selfish.

    This, coupled with their shaky self-esteem, leads them to devalue almost anyone who will put up with that behavior.

    Devaluing others helps them feel superior.

    As their spouse is handy and has already been “emptied” of most of her capacity for enhancing the Narcissistic husband’s self-esteem, he will devalue her.

    If she puts up with it, he will do it more often.

    Eventually, he will begin to despise her precisely because she allows him to devalue her.

    Conclusion

    Narcissists are continually searching for new Narcissistic supplies

    . When they are not able to achieve something that temporarily makes them feel superior and special, they will resort to devaluing, lecturing, criticizing, and bullying anyone who lets them get away with it.

    This is often their spouse.

    If You Need A Crisis Hotline Or Want To Learn More About Therapy, Please See Below:

    • RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) – 1-800-656-4673
    • The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255
    • National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233
    • NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) – 1-800-950-6264

    For More Information On Mental Health, Please See:

    • SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) SAMHSA Facebook, SAMHSA Twitter, SAMHSA LinkedIn, SAMHSA Youtube
    • Mental Health America, MHA Twitter, MHA Facebook, MHA Instagram, MHA Pinterest, MHA Youtube
    • WebMD, WebMD Facebook, WebMD Twitter, WebMD Instagram, WebMD Pinterest
    • NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NIMH Instagram, NIMH Facebook, NIMH Twitter, NIMH YouTube
    • APA (American Psychiatric Association), APA Twitter, APA Facebook, APA LinkedIN, APA Instagram

    46 thoughts on “8 reasons a Narcissist will start hating their Partner?”

    1. Have been in Relatuonships with Narcs- because I have a Empathetic personality, you educate yourself about them- and you build your self esteem UP because you know what they do. The trick is to not believe anything they say about you personally

      1. I RAN A FTER 21 YRS AND NEVER LQQKED BACK!! MY LIFE IS FINALLY ON CLOUD 9 !!! BEST DESISION I EVER MADE. I WAS FEARED FOR MY FOR QUITE AWHILE. HOW COULD I EVER THINK SOMEONE THAN CAN TRY AND KILL ME LUVS ME!!! I was SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR THE LONGEST!!!! BUG I GOT SOBER ON SLCOHOL AND GOT MY HEAD VERY CLEAR. HE NEVER COMPLIMENTING OR NUTTINJUST WOOD BEG MD TO DRING!!! I said know I luv where I’m at and I gotta go!!! IF U CALL THIS S 20YR LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP THEN CHOKED MRR WE OUT AND PUSHED ME DOWN MY HALLWAY AND I HIT AN OLD CROCK IT HIT A MAIN ARTERY. I WENT OUT SO HE PUT ME BACK ON THE COUCH THE GRONG WAY #1NEVER EVER HAVE I LAID THAT WAY. I OPENED MY EYES AT DAYLIGHT MY PHONE FACE COUCH HAIR ALL CRUSTED IN BLOOD HE THOUGHT HE KILLED ME I WAS FEELIN SOMEONE NEXT TO ME AND HE PEEKED AROUND AND MY EYES WERE OPEN. HE DID HIS FAKE CRY DID I DO THAT…..NO CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOUST CAME IN LAST NIGHT. I ENDED UP GETTIN ORDER OF PROTECTION FOR ME MY DAUGHTER AND 3 GRANDBABIES GOF FOUR YRS BU TH I WLAYS HAD YO BE AWARE OF MY SURROUNDINGS WHEN I CAME IN AT NIGHT I GOT THAT INAPRIL OF 2016 FOR FOUR YRS THEN EXTRNDIND!!! I WAS MAD AT MYSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING FOR SOMDD ED OF THR SHIT THAT HAPPEND TO ME CUZZ I KEPT GETTINNPLEEZ BABY I LUV U LETS EORK IT OUT. NOPE WHEN U TAKE THE ACOHOL OUTTA THE PIC BOY DOES IT CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE ON EVERYTHING. I DONKNOW MY FEAR IS GONE ITS THE BEST THING I EVER DID IM AT 10YRS SOBER!!!! AND I DONT HAVE TO PRAY RVERYSINGLR NIGHT ANYMORE I NEVER SEE HIS FACE AS LONGBASVI LIVE!!! THANKYA JESUS. EVERY THING I READ FOR 7 months AFTER IT INITIALLY HSPPENED. I READ SND READ AND EVERY SINGLE THING I READ PERTAINED TO SIMTHIN INVOLVED IN ALL THOSE YRS. AND I MEAN ON THE $$STORIES!!!! There wasn’t NUTTIN that never happened. I’m glad I never looked back. When I got my head straight it was soaking in. He had 6/7DUIS HE D NEVER HAVE ANOTHER LICENSE IF IT PERTAINS TO ANYONE OF U RUN AND DONT LOOK BACK. ITS HORRIFYING TORTURE!!!

        1. My dear, I am glad you came out alive. I ran away after 20 years. I am happy I can still remember my name after what I suffered from him. Time will heal us. So, hang in there. We are victorious.

    2. Am in a narcs relationship and he sits in another room to me giving me the silent treatment im at the stage where i couldnt care less anymore what he does ,he threatens to leave every day i wish he would but he’s still here, hes never got any money and tries to get mine but i refuse to let him have it why wont he just go we are so bored of each other his spiteful games don’t work in me they used to but not now

          1. Why do you stay in that kind of Drama and unhappiness everyone has a choice. I Didn’t think I could get out after 10years of abuse and I couldn’t thank God more for getting me out of a horrible marriage. Nobody would never knew all the pain I went through me and my kids. Never stay for the kids because my kids are adults now and still remember all the abuse so, your not doing the kids any favors by staying in a horrible every day to day life.

          1. Cindy..BELIEVE ME, THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE A NARCISSIST GUY, is “”GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE”. Leave him as as soon as you can ! They only get worst with time!!!! Sherry R.

          2. This hurts my heart, I used to get in the shower and cry and ask God to remove my soon to be ex husband out of my life. These types of people are sick. And it is really sad. Especially when you have children with them. Mine left me and my kids without nothing and stole money and moved in with his new supply in 2017 and just now filed for a divorce for the second time the first time he didn’t have a lawyer. He just wanted to empress the new supply. By making her feel she took him from me and our kids. He acted as if I am the reason for the divorce. He had his side chick who is a Drug Felon. File restraining orders on me. Knowing she would win in court because I couldn’t hold back my emotions. So of course the judge granted the restraining order. The restraining order has been done. But I realize now that was a narc tactic to make me look as bad as her.He does so much evil stuff to me and doesn’t see the bigger picture. If I am hurt my children hurt, he is just a evil person.

          3. Totally disagree. Pay close attention because we are so often distracted with our feelings that can’t understand that the Lord is trying to get your attention. From a person in the middle of breaking up with a narcissist. Please leave because nothing is going to get better. I gave 28 years of my life and realized God was trying to get my attention long time ago.

          4. Cindy, God does help… Ask Him for the strength to get out. Sometimes He is just waiting on us to do the first step.My ex husband was a narc. Even when some people says that divorce is a sin, trust me God never intended for any of us to stay in a situation that can destroy us…

      1. Hi all, I was in a marriage with a narc for 21 years. All of these behaviors are familiar. I would not give up improving myself, getting a better job, a beautiful home and making friends. They hate when you are happy and yes, he finally left for his new supply. After raging a fit and being told to leave by police. Needless to say my children and I are happy it’s gone.

    3. Presently married for 14 yrs,reading these stories(i thought i was alone,
      having to go through all the pain,hurt,everything that a narcissists make u out do,be,& label u as a person your not,+ more
      Well,im homeless now
      This is how he whats me to be besides how it was in our home.
      To tell u honestly.
      I know being on the streets is no fun, its scary,etc. But, i am happy i dont have to be at NO expecting whats gonna happened to me next.
      Thank you for your time
      Eileen Koinva Odom

      1. I have been separated from my husband from my husband for the last 6 yrs. We have just gotten divorced. He left me and our children out on the street with no where to go no car and no money. In court he was awarded full custody of our children and the judge wouldn’t give me any parenting time. He took everything from us and then took the only things I ever did my best to protect away from me too. The children. Though I am happy the nightmare with is at an end I am devastated that the judge wouldn’t even listen to me and hear my side of things. The result was me losing my children to this man I refer to as a heartless animal.

        1. This is awful. Do you have any contact with your children now? Perhaps you can find an attorney willing to give you free advice. Hang in there. You are strong and brave.

    4. Holy shit. Me too. There’s so much, I cant even talk about any of it. Blessed be. May we all conquer this hell.

    5. I’m in shock at how everyone of these fit my ex!!! He left suddenly 12/29/20 and never looked back. Of course it had been building up but I refused to believe it would end. But reading this our 10 year relationship fit this step by step. The bad thing is these narcs leaving us women, or at least me, with a low, low self-esteem

    6. I thought I was all alone in this for a long time. Things went downhill as soon as we moved in together, I guess because of the close proximity thing. He quickly started to devalue me and “bully” me for NORMAL every day things I did, such as my hair or even (this is embarrassing) being on my period! it My boyfriend’s go to method is the silent treatment with me, I guess because he knows it would hurt me the most and it does. I’ve started not reacting to anything he does because like a child all he really wants is someone’s attention and I refuse to give into it…it works for awhile but IM not happy, I’m miserable and exhausted pretending to be as cold as he is. It breaks my heart to have to walk around “angry” when I’m such a loving person. I just pray I find the strength soon to leave him, I can tell I’m almost at my breaking point because I’m starting not to care about anything he does… I mean what more could he do then what he’s already done is the way I look at it so no need to get upset. I pray we all find strength in dealing with these narcissists

      1. Kenya, I’m in the exact same boat. I do try to be cold and indifferent to his treatment of me as I know that is the best approach, but like you, I’m naturally very empathetic and kind hearted and it’s next to impossible to keep up the act. And like you, I’m also tired and feel my breaking point quickly approaching. Sadly, I’m still very much in love with this person despite all the pain and destruction they have brought to my life. Such a sad and arduous ordeal. Wishing you lots of strength and love, all the very best in life.

        1. please start working up the strength to leave…narcs only get worse with time..and will leave you with damaged self esteem…the sooner you leave, the better…I finally left after 7years and I wish I left after day 1…

        2. You don’t love him. You love the person he used to be when you first met. He no longer exists You need to focus on that. He is what he really is and will NEVER EVER change. Do not waste your life on somebody who does not care if you live ir die. Save yourself you will find you will be much much happier.

      2. Omg same my husband 20 yrs I’m just seeing the real him its crazy and I don’t lie he does about everything constantly putting me down and talking to my kids about me they tell me my daughter is almost 16 and not much longer im out my daughter says mom how did you put up with this for 20yrs made me cry im glad im not alone

      3. I am with you my husband does this exact same stuff he has hit me several times, he calls me names, he wants sec but no relationship now. He makes of little flaws and everything is my fault . Yet he tells me I am the Narccist and makes me honestly feel like I am going insane. Usually I am the one leaving and losing my jobs i am not this time. I have stuck it out I will continue to stick it out until I can’t no more I am tired of having to start over and be miserable because he is I am ignoring my hinge he says now and I am living for me it’s my time and for me and I am loving person as well so I get that but I am taking control I was not allowed to talk to family or have any of my pay checks no more it he does not go soon I am going to get my own place and I will not tell him a thing about it then says everything is his bi**** we are Legalky married and Living together for 5 years it does jkr matter who’s name the car is in it’s legally both of ours and will have to be split in the divorce he tries to tow con me into signing papers because I have all this proof against him where he has hit me said I killed my sister told me to kill myself even and hit me and all and he knows his ass is going down if we go to court otherwise he would have filled out by now also he is talking to others and sleeping with them and admitted it while we are together but it’s all good I am ok I ignore it now

      4. Don’t let him change you into something your not! If you are a joyful person be joyful. Don’t match his childish ways just to survive the day. Just leave! I did with my 2 girls after being with him since 16 years old. 18 years of it and it’s true. It leaves you with low self esteem. It affects every part of you as a living breathing human. You will never be able to understand how someone who claims to love you so much could hurt you so bad and appear to not give a shit whatsoever! Like the person that is supposed to love you and keep you safe just doesn’t care anymore how much he hurts your feelings or triggers your insecurities. You could cry your heart out and he will make you feel weak and less for being upset because everything that requires empathy is a burden…even if only for a moment

      5. One word leave. I am with a narcasist 15 years. Finally realized the best solution is to get out. I’m still in the relationship but I’m bring pushed hard to the edge. I really want to avoid calling the police. But if I don’t do it my family will. Something is going to happen. Unfortunately the only solution is to leave him.

    7. Really interesting article. I wish I had known long ago what a narcissist is; would have saved me so much pain and grief. Narcissists get away with a lot of silent abuse. An example from Finland is Harri Mutka who appears to be a decent, caring human being but in reality it is all a show; behind closed doors he is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, addicted to porn and to havng new women all the time . No empathy at all and will easily ruin a woman’s life as soon as he has secured a new replacement.

    8. I am totally astonished I live with an narcist for about 35 years and I thought these are life struggles everytime I faced any problem in my marriage. He loved me so much he did such wonderful things before we got married then everything changed but I survived till now. I feel fatigued but I have to go on for the sake of my children . I don’t need his money but I am eager for his empathy which I will not get anymore. I pray everyday to survive this relationship and your comments make me stronger since I know that is a personality problem and now I read more about how to deal with it. Hope we all survive these relationships. God be with us.

    9. I’m planning on writing a book…pipe dream? I hope and pray it isn’t. I’ve been married 38 years…39+ living with a narcissistic husband. Before that, my mom perhaps, a few similar traits. Who knows? My point being, I should’ve understood whom or what I was dealing with. I heard of of course, of narcissist people dozens of years ago, but knowing very little of it’s meaning until probably 7 years ago, So I’ve placed myself and my knowledge of it on basically a continuing, emancipated sort of learning curve. Right now, and for several years, I’ve been met with (sadly) gaslighting,….such a strange term and not easily recognizable to loving, empathetic women. But, know it, learn about it and understand how and why it exists. Anyway…there is no cure for life except to live it. I wish all of you loving, kind and thoughtful friends many more tons of “backbone.” Thank you!

    10. Dear everyone I am a 57-year-old widow of 8 years I started to date again and I happened to date an acquaintance friend of knowing him over 5 years but we lived in different states I read all the comments about other people dating or living with the narcissist they are all true I never would have believed that I have put myself in the position that I was in I too wanted things to work everything that I read mirrors my life of being together 6 months I moved in with him from another state I was told we was going to send for my car to be shipped never happened I was told we will buy a car never happened he would just take me to work it hurts so bad to read the things that people do to others and you right they don’t want to be told that they’re narcissists it’s embarrassing to say the least of what I went through with him he treated me as I was a queen the finest things in life he offered and gave but then he would talk to me very crude and nasty for no reason and when I would address the issue he would tell me he was sick of me and if I didn’t like it I could pack my s*** and leave and one time too many he asked me if I didn’t like it leave and I did pack my things with no place to go no car and he came home from work I had to quit my job because I had no way to get there he came home tried to have a confrontation but I did give in to that so he called the police and said that he had given me a 30-day notice to leave and I would not leave and I shoved him and he said that it was domestic violence and that’s in this commonwealth state warrants may have to leave and makes the 30-day letter invalid because he said I put this hands on him and never did and he never touched me and he lied and I was so hurt that he actually stooped to that level but all is well I left in the taxi and I just now need to put this behind me and leave this state because it’s very hurtful I’m over the hurt for the moment I think now I’m just angry that he did it that way controlling he wants to tell you how to wear your clothes wear your hair what to bathe in with soap what shoes to wear the list goes on and on the silent treatment you don’t know from one day to the next who you going to wake up with and sometimes you don’t know who’s going to pick you up from work Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde and 5 minutes later they’re being sweet and nice and by the time you come out the shower you got the silent treatment next morning it’s good morning babe and that lasts for a few weeks and then the cycle begins over again please get out of the relationship and don’t look back because it can become violent he never hit me but he gave the impression that he would and I’m not a weak woman I will speak up and he didn’t like that. It’s sad that the man you love hates you and then the next moment he loves you then he hates you the emotional roller coaster get off of it get your life back.

    11. Lord knows im reading and after 26 yrs im thinking ive waisted the best yrs of my life with a never satisfyed no emphathy about how ive felt after going thru hell with him only to realize this is who iHE IS A NARSASIST AND IF I CONTINUE.MY SON WILL BE JUST LIKE HIM AS I SEE THE TRAITS BEGINNING WITH HIM AND HIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL FRIEND THE SILENT TREATMENTS CHEATING ETC IVE GOT TO FINALIZE THIS DIVORCE THANKS ALL I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE WOW

    12. I lived 30 years with a narcissist. At the time we were married I didn’t know what a narcissist person was. But his whole family is the same way. My 3 children are the same way. It’s very difficult to live with my daughter. Have to be careful what I say. He left me for his cousin. She deserves him. Did me a favor. Life is better now

    13. I went through the same thing. I got tired after eleven years. I walked out and never returned. I’m still hurting behind it because I was good to him… I put my faith in the Lord. I’m Happy I’m not in that situation anymore

    14. It amazes me how all of our stories are so much the same, love bombing, gifts, compliments, happiness for a while. Then after the Narcissist gets bored with us they look for a new supply behind our back’s, start several affair’s, lie like a dog, talk to us like we are dirt, order us around like we are their personal maid & housekeeper. If we ever don’t agree with them in any subject they tell us “ shut up & go to your room”. After being gone from 11:30am till 8:30pm when he calls to ask “ what’s for dinner?” He comes home & calls me a psycho bitch from hell because when he called I saw his picture on my phone & answered “what” I was angry he didn’t have the respect to call me all day, so he is upset I was disrespectful to him.when I answered the phone. Never mind he was gone all day, never called to say where he was or when he would be home. Later found out he was with a porn girl he paid for a good time with money from our joint bank account. I filed for divorce. Wasted 31 years of my life he is already living with 2 other women. Oh yes he misses me so much. Ba hum bug! I already feel better, no one screams at me if I spill something, or make a mistake, or make something he doesn’t feel like eating for dinner. It is so much more peaceful than it has been in years.

    15. I love it when someone says ” just leave” its not that simple it takes money and a place to go. So yes Iam stuck in this pathetic relationship ha or whatever you call it. And yes its tiring and fake and sucks. Hard to believe at 62 yrs. old this is how it is. I hate him and what hes done tyo my life.

    16. Basic psychology should be taught in high school. I was 16 when I met mine. I’m now going on 56. I used to be quite beautiful from what I was told…I always wondered if getting older would make him not like me? The years have been hard on my family. I have 2 boys and a daughter with downs syndrome. My boys don’t even talk to me anymore. My 84 yr. old mother has come to live with us. I have to do almost everything for her. Instead of helping me, he decided that I’m doing too much for ” my mother” and nothing for our family. He yells and cusses me daily.
      My mother wants us 3 girls to leave. I can’t though because I really don’t think I could support us. I was a stay at home mom for 20 years. So the job opportunities are not good. At this point in my life…I’m stuck. I don’t have anyone to call or any other support. (family or friends) Oh yeah… I forgot, I have health issues that make just my day to day hard. I’m glad that he gives me the silent treatment though. It doesn’t bother me anymore. The funny thing is that I think that they start fights to make us mad at them so we don’t want to be around. Then if they give us the silent treatment, they are free to watch porn, flirt with whomever or do whatever they please. I’m so sad that I’ve wasted my whole life on this guy and I have nothing. Thats why psychology should be taught. At 16, I never knew that there were people like this in the world, or that they get off by making people miserable. Now I just hope that he dies before I do so that I can hopefully have some happy time and just maybe my boys will come back and let me see my grand daughters..

    17. Why are articles written with the perspective that Narcissists are MALE. There are female narcissists as well.
      try and be gender neutral when writing articles… we want equality of the sexes but we remain biased in our thinking. It isn’t right.

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