* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.
Narcissists have super-sensitive and fragile egos, so almost everything that happens to them has some ego impact. Some of the most disastrous events to the narcissist’s ego include:
- Being unmasked. When you realize that the narcissist is not confident, secure, and bold, but is actually paranoid, insecure, and cowardly, this causes a huge narcissistic injury. The narcissist will head right down into his foxhole and order some of his minions to dig him a tunnel to Siberia. He never wants to see you again!
- Abusing someone who sees through his con job. Narcissists count on the effectiveness of narcissistic abuse techniques such as projection, triangulation, and gaslighting to create an alternate reality in which they are flawless and everyone else causes all of the problems. When a victim of narcissistic abuse does not buy into this BS, and instead sees the narcissist’s whole chessboard clearly, the narcissist has just lost at his own sick and twisted game. His ego does not even know who he is anymore. Now he will have to con a whole new group of people so he can once again believe in his awesome, flawless self! Exhausting!
- Losing control. This is the worst thing that can happen to the narcissist. It throws him off completely. He only feels safe if he is controlling people (who he sees as objects) via various manipulative techniques. Do not go off “the plan” and do anything unexpected! The narcissist will counterattack, and he shoots to kill!
- Perceived criticism, boundaries, and attempts to hold them accountable for their harmful behavior. Listen, people, the narcissist is the boss here—everyone else exists for his desired use and pleasure. So don’t do anything inconvenient, like stand up for yourself!
- Failure to accommodate the narcissist’s insatiable need for admiration, special privileges, praise, and ego-feed. The narcissist will, at minimum, go out in search of better supply if you dare to do this to him. Compliment him, stroke his ego gently, make clear that he dominates you in every way…or pay the price!
And when you grow up with a Narcissistic parent, it’s easy to find yourself married to one having no idea what one just did. It’s familiar, normal, or perhaps even part of your religion…it took me 12 years to get out. And it’s been almost 20 years since I left and got divorced. Although I still spend time working to heal the trauma, it’s a relief to be able to recognize these people and no longer get stuck with them.
Exactly what happened to me. I’ve been married for 15 years. We have 2 children, the older child has major psychological problems. This caused me to investigate hence my discovery. But I’m not in a financial position to leave
Nothing I do is good enough. When I ask about a certain behavior she gets mad, but when I use a play out of her playbook she gets even madder. Nothing is ever her fault everyone else “caused” her to react a certain way. Frankly I’m sick of it, if I try to talk to her about how I feel, I’m selfish, if I don’t bend to her every command I’m gaslighting her, everything is always my fault, even when I’m not there.
When I try to confront it, she acts like a child having a temper tantrum and then says I drove her to it. She’s got us kicked out of restaurants, hotels, even apartments with her actions and never, has she ever took responsibility for any of it. I’ve tried to contact help, but when she finds out she literally beats me and tells me that if I ever do it again I’d find myself in a world of hell. I’ve never had any mental problems like I do now, it doesn’t matter what I do to try to make her happy, she always complains about the life I provide for her, it’s never good enough. Once one thing is met she finds something else, once that’s complete she starts about something else. It’s manipulation. She expects me to celebrate her birthday but she doesn’t even remember mine. I’m s sick of it so sick that I want to die to escape
Hello Brad I can you see that your about to lose yourself. I am going to give you some of the best advices. Google Scary Mommy how to disarm a narcissist. It will give you 25 ways that really works. I have tried them myself with my narcissist. The other way is to keep her spinning. What I mean is when she acts crazy , calls you selfish. Start Ask her probing Question, Can you please you clarify how I’m selfish or whatever? Can u explain how am I selfish? Your reply is to act like you don’t get it .Ask another question to make her keep trying to explain her way of you being selfish until she gets tired. Remember you can never win with them so your making her think she’s winning and she’s really not.
I live with my adult daughter and her narcissistic husband and two young grandchildren. I’m looking to move out because he is driving me crazy. The worst part is that my daughter doesn’t know enough about narcissism to accept that he is one. And, the effect he is having on my 8 year old granddaughter. How do I help my granddaughter?
hello, I recently ended a friendship with an old friend. I constantly found things for us to do both of being in our 60’s. there were 3 of us in a group, the third being a lifetime friend as well. the one lady who I ended my friendship with, constantly cancelled out of most fun events that were usually paid for in weeks ahead. then when she did want to go, I asked her to drive, and she never would.we rented a cabin and of course she took the best bedroom and always made it clear, what she wanted to and what she would not do, no matter if us,other gals wanted to do something.. I spent a big sum of money on a new years eve party and she was invited. only4 we’re suppose to come. she never showed up, never called, and texted me the next day saying she was sick. that’s when I was done. is this typical ?narcissistic
Hi there, I cannot believe how many narcs there are and it is so sad. I am married to one and he is driving me insane and its getting worse. Lately he made me out to be a crazy person at work and spreading lies about me telling the people that i am out of control…i just want a divorce pack my stuff and dissappear but ja i dont own anything on my name he made sure of that so i have no where to go. I have become a person i dont know anymore crying every single day and my kids are suffering as well cause i am spending so much attention in healing me and defending me i have lost focus outside