* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.
In this article, we will explore some of the things that a narcissist does at the end of a relationship.
If you have ended your relationship with a narcissist, then you may have already experienced some of these things.
It is important to remember that this is patterned behavior that comes from narcissists after a breakup and that you’re not alone.
While this may be small comfort, it may help you to move forward in your recovery.
Look out for the following acts a narcissist might try once your relationship with them has ended.
What A Narcissist Does At The End Of A Relationship
It is important to note that none of the following acts are your fault.
And, if you have been affected by your previous relationship with a narcissist, then it is important to seek help from family, friends, or professionals so you can have help getting out of a bad situation.
Cut You Off
One thing a narcissist might do at the end of your relationship is cut you off. If you attempt to make contact, they will ignore you.
Here, a narcissist is enjoying giving you “punishment” for any transgressions they think you have made. They want you to know and feel that you do not exist to them.
Place Blame
A narcissist may also attempt to devalue you and state you are the reason the relationship ended.
They will refuse to place any blame on themselves, and will not acknowledge any sort of wrongdoing on their own part throughout the relationship.
A narcissist will tell you and anyone else that it was “all your fault”, and that if you had done something differently, then the relationship would be fine.
This smear campaign is to try and make you look like the wrongdoer, and place themselves in a good light.
Seek Sympathy
Connected to the step above, a narcissist will try to make themself appear to be the victim in the situation.
Narcissists love attention, they also have the chance to absolve themselves of any actions other people may point out as questionable after the relationship has ended – like finding a new partner or suddenly leaving.
Get Revenge
When you leave a narcissist they lose control, and this is something they do not like.
Despite you being justified in leaving the relationship, a narcissist will not take any responsibility for how they behaved, so they will attempt to “get revenge” on you for leaving.
This can mean finding a new partner to flaunt, or something a lot more destructive. This is why many people have to take precautions when leaving a narcissist – to ensure their safety.
Immediately Jump Into A New Relationship
At the end of a relationship, you will often find narcissists getting into a new one straight away. This can be the same week, same day, etc.
It is also often the case that their new partner was already around in some way, like an ex of theirs or someone they have been speaking to on the side, or someone they have previously been involved with.
This is because they are feeding something called a “narcissistic supply” Narcissistic supply is defined as an excessive need for admiration or attention from their codependents, while not considering the prefaces, opinions, or feelings of others.
Parade Their New Partner In Front Of You
When a person is vindictive and deliberately trying to hurt you, then they will parade their new partner in front of you while simultaneously being aware that you are hurting or trying to recover from the relationship.
Sometimes, ex-partners may find new relationships very quickly, but there is a difference between the way a narcissist will act with you and their new partner after your relationship ends, and a non-disordered person.
Keep Their New Partner A Secret
Sometimes, narcissists will keep their new partners a secret instead of parading them around, this all depends on how they plan to manipulate you both. Other times, a narcissist will do both.
They will perform a sequence of actions where they parade their new partner around, and then suddenly stop, in a “now you see me, now you don’t”, extremely cruel way.
When this happens, a narcissist knows that making you see their new partner is the best way to manipulate you.
Then, they will pretend that their new partner is gone, or was a mistake that they made because that is the better way to manipulate you to get whatever it is that they want.
“The One”
As previously mentioned, narcissists will sometimes begin a smear campaign against you for attention and sympathy.
However, sometimes, or even at a different point after the breakup, a narcissist will start idolizing you. They may claim that you were the one”, but you cannot be together for some reason.
This can look healthy on the outside, and for that reason, it is one of the more dangerous acts on this list.
Relationships with narcissists nearly always end badly. So, this type of narrative does not match up with the rest of the relationship, no matter who ended it.
Sometimes, once the relationship is over, narcissists will begin to romanticize the relationship again. It is important to remember that this is not love.
They May Contact You
Narcissists will obsess over you, wondering if you’re over them, if you’re happy, and what they will gain by returning again and again.
The only way they can find out is by trying to keep in contact with you. Narcissists will never truly feel like they are broken up with someone.
Try To Come Back
When a relationship ends with a narcissist, they will try to find ways to manipulate you still. One of these ways is by coming back to you constantly, especially if they think they have something to gain from it.
They may attempt to love-bomb you as a last resort to “save” the relationship. They will be extra nice, and try to convince you they are going to change.
This is another form of manipulation. If they cannot come back, they will then try to guilt-trip you, reminding you of all the things they did, or blaming you for how they feel.
Why Does A Narcissist Act In Contradicting Ways At The End Of A Relationship?
A narcissist will maintain different personas with different people, and they need to balance many different stories.
What Can You Do To Ensure The Relationship Is Finished?
You can cut off all contact with the narcissist, and never engage with them again. It will be difficult not to care or wonder about what they’re up to, but these are the necessary steps for healing and getting out of a bad situation.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists will do whatever they can to manipulate you long after the relationship is over. It is important to avoid engaging with them in real life and on social media, etc.
If you have left, are trying to end a relationship, or have been broken up with, by a narcissist, then you should seek professional guidance so they can help remove you from a bad situation.