* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.
Self-absorbed narcissists. What Techniques Do They Use To Manipulate You? How Do Narcissists Control You?
They frequently exert dominance over talks, influence their family members, and indulge in deceitful behavior for financial gain.
We make an effort to avoid these deceptive persons, yet we are equally susceptible to their influence.
So how do they do this? How do narcissists exert their grip over you?
What methods do they employ?
How do narcissists control you? What techniques do they use?
Here are 5 techniques narcissists use exert control over their victims:
1. They prey on codependents.
Because narcissists prey on codependents, they frequently succeed in manipulating others.
“Narcissists gravitate toward persons who exhibit codependency characteristics,” argues Tom Gagliano, Relationship Expert.
“The narcissist reinforces the codependent’s flaws by manipulating them into believing everything is their fault or that they are responsible for resolving any relationship problems. The spouse develops fear of the narcissist to the point of losing their sense of self as a result of believing all of the narcissist’s distortions.”
Read more about Codependency here.
2. They enhance your sense of self-worth.
Additionally, these self-centered persons go out of their way to make others feel special—not out of true affection, but to manipulate them.
“In their personal connections, narcissists frequently acquire control of others by appealing to a person’s (very understandable) desire to feel special and valuable,” Clinical Psychologist Forrest Talley explains.
“For instance, the narcissist may say, ‘Despite the fact that I have only recently met you, it is evident to me that you are very brilliant and capable. I have a very small group of friends, many of whom are similar to you, with whom I enjoy maintaining contact… I’d like for you to be a member of that group. Simply give me your phone number and I’ll put it to my black book of secrets.’ (Does that sound ridiculous? While this is true, it is also what one narcissist told me years ago… no, not a patient).”
3. They employ fear, awe, and guilt.
By generating uncomfortable feelings, narcissists maintain control over the people in their lives.
After ‘grooming’ someone for an intimate connection, the narcissist uses shock, awe, and guilt to keep control.
Talley explains further,
“The shock and awe stem from the out-of-control, emotionally charged tantrums that erupt when the narcissist’s buddy (husband or lover) does something to displease the narcissist. Because the majority of ordinary people find such strong reactions exhausting and unusual, they begin to work diligently to avoid a repeat performance.”
4. They make use of gaslighting.
Additionally, narcissists are frequently gaslighters, which means they are master manipulators.
“Gaslighting is a technique used by narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths,”
Licensed Psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson explains.
It is a form of manipulation used for self-gain and even for sport. It is intended to afflict, deceive, and destabilize the victim.
Gaslighters will deny saying or doing anything you are certain they said or did.
They conduct themselves dishonestly in the world.
Read more about Gaslighting here.
5. They engage in a variety of hot and cold mind games.
Finally, narcissistic persons are known to engage in game-playing behavior.
“One of the ways narcissists attempt to dominate you is via deceptive hot and cold games,”
Adina Mahalli, a Master Social Worker, explains.
“One week, they’ll flatter you to get you to do what they want, and the following week, they’ll use aggressiveness to get you to do what they want. Negative moments are mixed with pleasant ones, and you may not even know you are being duped. The best way to overcome this is to be wary of flattery and positivism when they arrive. Take everything with a grain of salt, and avoid allowing the love-bombing to be a sort of bribery directed at you. Nobility should be unconditional.”
Make yourself aware of how do narcissists control you so you can avoid becoming a victim yourself.
If you believe you have fallen prey to these manipulators or are being targeted by them, do everything possible to evade their clutches.
This may require you to break relationships with friends or family members—but this is OK since your mental health and welfare are at stake, and they always take precedence.
