* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.
There’s an old cliche that “the best revenge is living well.” This is only true when the person you want revenge on is a narcissist. Because they truly cannot stand to know you’re living well without them in your life.
So what are so ways to take revenge on a narcissist that work?
You might say, “What a bloody lame answer! It wouldn’t bug me if someone I fell out with was living well without me!!” And that’s because you’re not a narcissist.
To get “revenge” on them, you need to think as they do. They are insecure, petty, self-loathing people who project their insecurities onto others. “Living well” is not something they want to see you do.
And to live well without a narcissist in your life, you will need to establish the No Contact Rule with them — and stick to it. Live your life as though they never existed, refraining from any contact.
You don’t get to see the narcissist twitch and squirm, but if you were ever a valued source of supply to them, believe me, they are twitching and squirming.
Table of Contents
If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn more about therapy, please see below:
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) – 1-800-656-4673
- The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233
- NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) – 1-800-950-6264
For more information on mental health, please see:
- SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) SAMHSA Facebook, SAMHSA Twitter, SAMHSA LinkedIn, SAMHSA Youtube
- Mental Health America, MHA Twitter, MHA Facebook, MHA Instagram, MHA Pinterest, MHA Youtube
- WebMD, WebMD Facebook, WebMD Twitter, WebMD Instagram, WebMD Pinterest
- NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NIMH Instagram, NIMH Facebook, NIMH Twitter, NIMH YouTube
- APA (American Psychiatric Association), APA Twitter, APA Facebook, APA LinkedIN, APA Instagram
The best ways to take revenge on a Narcissist
1. Do not take any revenge at all.
Let them be who they are because taking revenge on an immature kid makes you as narcissistic as they are.
2. Walk Away
Walk away from them completely, going full No Contact (cutting everything off including their number and social media networks).
3. Do not allow them to contact you on anything.
They know your weaknesses no matter what they will manipulate you again and drag you to the game. If they manipulated you from day one they will again do it with no problem.
4. Ignore Them.
If you see them on the road, they are Lord Voldemort to you, they don’t exist in your dictionary. They are dead people thin air to you. Ignore them completely and walk away.
5. If you allowed the option for them to Hoover and they already did, ignore them completely.
That will drive them mad. When you ignore them, you don’t do it to get them mad, but you do it for your good and safety.
6. Don’t Beg
Do not beg or plead for them to take you back. Apologize to yourself profusely for letting them abuse you, you deserve self-love, self-respect, and self-value.
7. Be Mature
Be the mature one to learn to walk away from toxic people in your life, no matter how hard it is you should learn that.
8. Don’t try to save them.
You are no one to save them, neither help them nor change them, we have professionals to do that thing, and you ain’t one.
9. Realize what love means.
You say I love him, you should always remember that mature love is built on respect, value, care, and love, not codependency and rescuing people so they can love you. You ain’t mother Mary neither an Angel from God to rescue someone, if it means you will ruin your whole life and be enslaved to them.
10. Make peace with yourself.
Make peace with your inner self and mind. Convince yourself that you got lied to and manipulated. The person you knew never existed it was just an illusion presented by them.
11. Don’t chase revenge.
Fight with your inner self no matter how bad you try to take revenge stop yourself because the revenge will only hurt you not them. They possess no Empathy nor do they care. The revenge will turn you into a terrible person someone that you are not basically to them, leave them be because they are immature kids, you can’t take revenge from a kid that slapped you, because that makes you as narcissistic as them and as immature as them.
12. Do not trust them
They are Con Artists even if they promise they will change because they won’t. A person who lied to you once and manipulated you will always do it no matter what.
13. Spend time with friends
Go outside spend time with your friends, and enjoy your life that’s the best revenge you can give them, basically not caring at all, showing them that you can continue without them.
Show them that you took your life back, you got successful with your life, you are an independent person standing on your legs, and your whole self-worth ain’t dependent on them, life is too beautiful and short to feed yourself with hate or revenge for someone (no matter what they did, because it shows immaturity).
14. Remember they are not your friend
Convince yourself that they ain’t your friends, neither an enemy to deserve revenge from you, you don’t give revenge to someone that has no value in your eyes, you don’t take revenge from thin air, because they ain’t worthy of your energy neither of your valuable time.
15. Love Yourself
Learn to love yourself again, take your esteem back, and include yourself with positive people who make you laugh and spend the best time of your life with them.
16. Don’t repeat your mistakes
Always follow up this code in life, if someone breaks your trust once they will always do it, and you leave without arguing or confronting them when they do. Always follow up this quote-
’’Fool me once shame on you,fool me twice shame on me.”
17. Overcome withdrawal
You will go through hard withdrawal symptoms, you will burn your brain and body seeking normal revenge, do not give up, do not give yourself up, take it as if you are in rehab, because if you do they will win if you learn to walk away ’’They might have won a few battles, but you will win the war in the end’’
18. Count your blessings
Stay blessed because good things are waiting for you in the future. God gives us the people that we need not the ones that we want if he removed this toxic person from your life he knew why he did it. What comes from God always remember that is most welcomed, if you go against his will you will hurt yourself and no one else.
19. Don’t be a doormat
Learn never to share your Empathy with the wrong people. Being nice to someone that deserves it is cool, but that does not mean that you should be someone’s doormat, give people what they deserve if they don’t deserve your words you feed them your silence.
20. Recognize that you escaped hell.
Once you disconnect from this person once and for all you take everything back, his/her hoover will be not welcomed at all, you will learn that you did yourself a big favor and that was the best decision you took for your life, you will learn that God blessed you with the most difficult test in your life and you passed it without a problem, you will come back in here, being surprised laughing your ass off.
Telling yourself that I can’t believe I wasted so much energy and time to take revenge on this worthless person, convince yourself that the best revenge you will take from them is standing up for yourself and moving forward with your life. They don’t deserve anything, including your revenge.
If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn more about therapy, please see below:
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) – 1-800-656-4673
- The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233
- NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) – 1-800-950-6264
For more information on mental health, please see:
- SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) SAMHSA Facebook, SAMHSA Twitter, SAMHSA LinkedIn, SAMHSA Youtube
- Mental Health America, MHA Twitter, MHA Facebook, MHA Instagram, MHA Pinterest, MHA Youtube
- WebMD, WebMD Facebook, WebMD Twitter, WebMD Instagram, WebMD Pinterest
- NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NIMH Instagram, NIMH Facebook, NIMH Twitter, NIMH YouTube
- APA (American Psychiatric Association), APA Twitter, APA Facebook, APA LinkedIN, APA Instagram
If You Need A Crisis Hotline Or Want To Learn More About Therapy, Please See Below:
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) – 1-800-656-4673
- The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233
- NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) – 1-800-950-6264
For More Information On Mental Health, Please See:
- SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) SAMHSA Facebook, SAMHSA Twitter, SAMHSA LinkedIn, SAMHSA Youtube
- Mental Health America, MHA Twitter, MHA Facebook, MHA Instagram, MHA Pinterest, MHA Youtube
- WebMD, WebMD Facebook, WebMD Twitter, WebMD Instagram, WebMD Pinterest
- NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NIMH Instagram, NIMH Facebook, NIMH Twitter, NIMH YouTube
- APA (American Psychiatric Association), APA Twitter, APA Facebook, APA LinkedIN, APA Instagram
I absolutely believe all this I would like to see an article from this person on people that have children with narcissists b/c it is quite difficult and different to not be able to detach completely and depending on who has custody of the children can be a ln absolute nightmare!!!
I agree with u, in that case, life is a total mess, n a disaster for u
I understand you completely! I would really want to read related article on people who share kids/custody with narcs
I needed to read this the day before valentine’s day .but I didn’t read about other issues I was trying to understand that I couldn’t kick . This girlfriend was a ass kicker on me ..she tried getting my mom and daughters to look as if I didn’t need them she did more for me in 5 years then they have ever done .and always seem to fight about it .she was monitoring my phone .a lot more crap basically just a cold hearted person. But got away but after 4 months she set me up on a text .and at that time I was going through a lot of mind boggling stuff the previous 2 days so it was relevant in my mind to let know what I thought about her..so I had a bit of relief and then 3 days later got papers and boy did she lie like I am a evil person now I have to fight just to have my dignity back ..its crazy but she plans everything and shit not right once so every be careful they well take u down. Hopefully I can find a good lawyer. You can really fuck yourself up if you don’t watch your emotions after u are away and getting on with your thoughts and feelings about the relationship was worthless was of time..she was so evil and highly educated with a degree in psychology she did damage..its sad to have to couple with your feelings of uselessness and now fight the system just cause her allegation ..they are ruthless she always said I can sink you whenever I want..but when I ask why would you say that .never answers..just cause u got away for 4 months do let your stop watching your ass or its gonna cost ya.and they love it ..sick sick sick .
I can relate to this. A guy who was educated so sweet and charming at first. A complete gentleman. Too good to be true. He tried so hard to make me believe he was the only one who had my back. He moved in with me and we lived together for a year. Most dreadful year if my life. Always some unnecessary drama, he was doing every thing a good man would do in front of me but when he left something just always felt odd ( intuition) I began asking questions to get to know him more.. and it felt like he had a barrier on how much I should know about him and that always posed problems. He acted as though he really cared for me and my daughter and had our best interest at heart more than anyone else and he would even spend loads of .money trying to convince me. I was blind in love. He was just giving me a little to deceive me. He tried hard to get me against my mom because she never liked him. Whole time he was living a double life When my mom died of covid he moved out 2 months later. Treated me terrible in my first mourning stages and attempted to hit my daughter that’s where the beast in me came out. When he realized I gained some balls and no longer cared about his love no longer buying the bullshit but started to demand respect is when he then moved out. Saying he really love me even though I don’t believe it. I see him on occasion and every time he sees me he looks the other way
Yup. My ex is a full blown and never realized my adult daughter followed in his footsteps.
I want my daughter to tell me to my face why she ‘hates’ me. AND does she want me in her life, she is 30.
She gaslit me and twisted everything to all about her.
Oh did i mention, i want this meeting at a restaurant so there will be witnesses. She refused.
I mean, really if you go around saying you hate your mother to other family members- , do tell what Mom did and hash it out.
I m prepared to hear the worst. And she balks? She has got nothing but her true manipulative, insecure, pathetic, entitled, gaslighting ways.
She will be a spinster, sad and lonely and, hopefully, never procreate.
Her N was enhanced by her father who is a full blown N. Sadly, i did not realize until way too late and stayed in marriage to make sure my daughter got to college not realizing or knowing what damage was done.
So yes, i want to know about how to deal with N when it is your own child.
I have been in therapy for the last 10 years, realizing that i was victimized by my N. and have emotional issues only to ve greatly preyed upon and made worse by the victimization.
This is their Heaven on Earth – most are afraid to die… yup, agree there, i couldn’t even dream of meeting my maker knowing the harm i caused another for fun!!!
I hope they go out kicking and screaming.
We have similar stories I divorced aN yo find out my 28 year old daughter was one and my husband (not her dad) is not my first narcissist. My first love(sex) narcissist was her dad and my ignorance showed up cuz I was raised it a household full of them and that normalized crazy behavior. I believe mom and dad were both one but I can’t ask them cuz they are deceased but I remember things happening where I questioned their behavior. Thank God I studied psychology in grad school and God help me recognize it and escape the abuse with my life.
I am in almost exactly same situation. My ex N to the max. My oldest daughter wanted to be Daddys girl.
I didn’t realize or see or even know there was a word for what he is.
But he handed his hate and anger and spitfulness to her. To get his approval was to hate and berate
me. I raised both my girls. He was never in their life much.We were so close.
I didn’t think this division was possible.He opened a resturaunt an they went to work for him.
He crushed our relationships we had for 18yrs. My oldest has taken over with the Hate and disrespect, lies
And belittling me. Then they both worked on my youngest daughter. My oldest keeps me around
to taunt and bully me. My youngest didn’t even send a text for mother’s day.
I’m done. I’m backing away. I’ve got to stand firm and start a new chapter in my life.
I’m burned out. I can’t take anymore. I’ve given-in in the past cause I love my girls dearly.
It just gets bad again. The rudeness, making fun of me, mocking me.
It’s so toxic… it’s crushed me. I’m trying to find a way to move out of state. That’s how much I got to break free. I don’t want no contact with them.
I got to let it go and remember the good years I had with them, and let the rest go.
The abuse and mind games, hatefulness and all….have to go.
Hi,
Oh my, I have 4 children with my narcissist ex, we were together for 21 painful years.
I tried so hard for so long to get outve that relationship, and became so hateful towards him in the end, he must have been seeing this new person he’s with before he left, because he moved straight in with her and her 3 children and was if he swapped our relationship, onto his new partner, it was the strangest thing to witness!!
Anyway since finally splitting I’ve been slowly healing, we have been split for about 1.5 year now and I’m enjoying finding me again, but dealing with him seeing the children is ridiculously hard, he plays games, sends messages, like he used to, I’m still trying to cut contact with him completely but he always finds a way.
Ive blocked his number so many times but he uses someone else’s phone etc, and I always fall into the trap of automatically reacting , which I’m now slowly learning not to do, he hates this more then anything!
He’s not normal, co-parenting with him is almost impossible, he’s still where possible trying to get a reaction from me .
I feel sorry for the person he’s with now as I know what her life’s like.
I wish I could just block him outve our lives completely but having children that’s very difficult.
My biggest fear is one of them will turn out like him but I’m trying so hard for that not to happen.
I’m getting there slowly, but I’m sure he’s still got more to try for now, I just have to keep telling myself over and over, he’s powerless without my reaction.
Good luck with trying to do-parent! I know it’s a living Hell!
Just keep practicing self love and discovery, and working on not being reactive to his games x
Dealing ex narcissistic with a child is a hell. He has money for went to popular prostitution country and no money for his child support.
Absolutely. If you find any good articles please share. It’s been hell. Single father for 4 years where I had her half the time and took any extra days. Child support paid on time everytime. Did all the transporting to and from her mom’s. Haven’t seen or talked to my daughter in months. She waited until I was most vulnerable and had no one. I have to go to custody court but I’m honestly nervous to what she will surprise me with.
Yes. This is just another article like so many others like it, I can’t find any other advice when you’re forced to stay in contact with them! The reality of this is usually the narcs had us so convinced they loved us we ended up having a child with them and the situation is completely different, the law won’t let us go no contact and the narcs take full advantage of this.
This is what I do and it seems to work well enough that things are mostly peaceful:
Be the gray rock as much as possible, when you have to text him about your kid/kids keep replies short and ignore any weird bla bla bla that has nothing to do with the conversation.
If you have to repeat yourself. Remember you dealing with an evil child in an adult body keep repeating yourself until they finally reply.
Don’t let them draw you into an argument they get a sick joy off of doing so in front of your kids to, later on, say stuff like “see mommy always starts an argument, wahh feel bad for me” (This only works when the kids are very young. Keep doing the best you can don’t argue with your child just show them how loving you are and try to teach them correct boundaries non rude behavior and such.
At around 13 my son is finally able to see *(n part) that the way his dad is acting isn’t normal and that it’s hurtful what he’s saying and doing to him. My son is getting really angery at him. I’m trying like hell to stick to the meditation agreement and not say “disparaging remarks” against the other parent and instead try to gently teach my son ways to mentally defend himself without him setting his dad off.
In the state we live in a 15-year-old can legally go to court and choose what parent’s house they permanently want to live with if the custody is split. I’m going for the long game, being that I’m doing my best to teach my son to be independent and able to do things along with letting him know there is nothing wrong with him! Make sure you don’t tell your kids this. Kids being kids will tell your ex and he/she will use it to hurt them and you.; wait until they’re 15.
Be prepared and save every document and mail you have as your ex will try to bankrupt you by dragging you to court over the strangest things. The last one was his dad trying to cut off all rights for Donald to go see a therapist. The judge didn’t take this well. At least I’m lucky on one thing, my ex isn’t very bright, he lacks the common sense that he values so much. xD
I am very controlling and manipulative. I was seeing someone and did the person wrong. I need help!
From living with a manipulative spouse, I can tell you, you are already on the right track and way ahead of the game. Denial never serves anyone. She is inwardly still in denial, but you are not. If you are familiar of the stages of grief… well to help yourself heal from your abusive tendencies, you will need to work through those same stages, not from a position of self-loathing, but from a position of strength. It would not hurt to see a psychatrist either, and just tell them you think you might have a personality disorder.
True. Dario Podhorski is such person. Narcissistic. Abusive. Hoovering and gaslighting.
The pain never goes away…
It does… Just block, delete and find the light
Thanks Ian I needed someone to say the pain DOES go away! Cause I’m hurting right now. But so want to get to the other side and never hurt or think about him ever again.
Narcissists are the helpers of Satan. Congratulations if you realized the truth. My parents abused me emotionally. They destroyed my life almost. They would take my money, my cars, my time. To the point I would be so poor helping them. Then while I am poor and they have my wealth, they would make fun of me! How I am poor and not successful. I ended up saving my money secretly and bought a house for me, my wife, and kids. My parents are even more mad at me now! I don’t know why and I am starting not to care either! They can go burn in hell when they die. They sabotaged me, and the creator of the universe saved my rear end. My parents would still try to come over everyday and call me trying to find out how much my house cost and they started making up lies that I owe them money from the past. I gave them $5,000.00 cash and they went away for a few days and then came back asking for more saying I owe them another amount for something they forgot to mention the first time. Im about to tell them to their face “May G_D curse you. You Rabid Dogs of Hell. May G_D destroy you. You Animals!” So greedy, so dishonest, no empathy. How dare they. The sad part is that my dad is a minister at church. What a hypocrite.
Wow. My stepfather is just like that. And it took me many years but I came to same conclusion as you did: narcissists are doing Satan’s work. Even Jesus said the same of the Pharisees (the narcissists of his day). What finally allowed me to see the Satanic nature in my stepfather was the way his abuse got more and more out of hand – it felt more and more like a desire to destroy me in every way possible. That’s when I finally realized he’s an enemy sent by Satan.
Oh my god you said it perfectly. Satan’s Spawn is who has stalked me and destroyed my life, We’ve all seen what we perceive as evil. But true evil on a level of a nuclear bomb who is completely lacking all of the positive traits you and targets you because they want those traits. They cannot FEEL anything but gimme gimme gimme. Worse yet, if they know you are living in your own home, which you paid for not rent, good luck as the target simple can’t walk away and move out. Because it’s your house! Yes, expect violence if you are assertive, confident, and push back or resist. A general restraint order (cost me $60,000) or a criminal protective order issued on your behalf by a judge, for free, means absolutely nothing to them. Jail? Ha! That’s where they’re easily able to take a leadership position based upon control. Plus, bonus for them, free meals, housing, a bed, jail moonshine made with spit, apples, and bread with added water, is one of the strongest forms of alcohol so they get to keep drinking (or drugging – inmates get stuff smuggled in via the strangest means – acid or LSD coated postcards or photos for starters), because many os Satan’s Spawn have serious substance abuse problems which are unbelievably weird and scary. And jail is zero obligations to keep up the mimic facade. They can fully be the toxic ass they are, it’s actually a relief for them. Three Squares, housing, zip obligations. Add this to immense amount of debt they manage to get you into, the totaled cars with voila oops it ends up they don’t have insurance. There goes $20,000 because Satan’s Spawn absolutely will find your well hidden wallet and car keys, use your debit card as a credit card zero PIN required. And Jail? That’s our tax dollars still paying for their actual survival, a place to live and all meals. They work super hard to hoover the crap out of people and perceived as exceptionally fun and dynamic. Able to get people revved up to engage in really weird very risky and inappropriate stuff they normally wouldn’t. They have zero respect for personal boundaries. They simply want to own the innately positive traits you have. They hide in plain sight. Satan’s Spawn cannot feel the way non-narcissistic people do. At all. No remorse, regret, fear, nothing. They do fear one thing. Getting booted out of your life. Which for me ended up costing more than $250,000. For starters. I sold my house and moved to another city, but thanks to technology a 5 year old can find you in less than a minute on the internet. They violate orders constantly, are adept at breaking into your home without “break-in”. Because all locks have a really easy way to disassemble and that’s all over the internet, Plus. A sliding glass door is easily open by literally lifting it upwards off the track. Cameras and alarms? Pointless, By the time police get to your house Satan is done with it, and bullying/violent tactics. Over time, they’ve spent an enormous amount of energy learning to mimic what is considered dynamic, outgoing, happy, on and on. They keep it up for a very LONG time, if you are really smart, have an incredible memory and call them out on the lies. The better you get at staying three steps ahead, of the game, and who you are all your excellent traits you possess combined with intelligence I=truly is just game to them. They want to win at all cost, no holds barred. Satan’s Spawn was arrested 16 times in five years. And connived people to contact me, as well as convince someone to drive them to your house. And get in via all of the above. God forbid you need fresh air, can’t leave a ground floor window open. Expect that a huge chunk of your money will be spent on their drug of choice (mostly alcohol), cost me $1,500 a month. The idiot bought it at one of two actual mini mart expansive amounts of liquor store. You’ll find empty shot bottles in the weirdest places (no, not the toilet tank), As well as their “stash”. Alcohol truly brings out the violent destructive wildly abusive demon in the. This is what happens after they’ve kept up the play acting at being a real normal person, and established in your live plus usually your home (hey it’s free for them, they always manage to lose their job, plus don’t give a rats behind about your home and things…expect mass destruction in the oddest ways), at that point they’re exhausted with playing pretend as for them it takes a ton of energy it, plus they begin to lose track of the enormous number of alternate reality lies. Flip EVERY story Satan ever tells you, which is never a conversation, they are lengthy damn monologue in which they are super hyper excited, if you interject while they’re preaching you get the silent treatment like you’re eight years old. And then begin again. In every stupid story, which get incredibly weird, those are always true however they are always the hero the winner etc. In reality land? Satan’s Spawn is the villain who did it all. It’s a guarantee you’ll hear the same freaking overly detailed and whack job wildly in depth stories, which largely involve their most idealized time period – High School and University, so often that the bullcrap Satan so emphatically and repeatedly monologues that you quite quickly know them by heart like an annoyingly bad commercial or crappy song stuck in your head. To boot, sure you can get them arrested for hitting you. Getting them the hell OUT of your home even while they serve months of jail time? You have to go to CIVIL COURT and pay a minimum o $60,000 to get an eviction. Which takes and incredibly long time. And the order gives them leeway deadlines of up to six months. Lather, rinse, repeat. Remember that there absolutely is nothing wrong with you, in fact you have exceptional qualities they are highly envious of. It’s merely a prolonged game of checkers if you apply super smart qualities. And then one day after you’ve gone stone cold I don’t care (aka biding time until they spin out), they pull a completely irrational very permanent stupid stunt (blackmail and extortion), which removes them from your residence completely. But the game doesn’t end. They con people into calling to “check in on you why don’t I bring you some soup”, plus, dozens upon dozens of texts or emails. They’re stuck with themselves. Often no job and they only have wary fringe friends though a handful of Satan Sibling’s more than willing to join the team. Suddenly, they’re stuck. And ALONE. Above all, they have several fatal flaws. They loathe themselves meaning beyond insecure and afraid to be alone as they loathe how they managed to screw up their big game. Do not succumb to emotions rooted in “why me? What’s wrong with me?”. Ever. Sure,. cry at the overwhelming catastrophic mess as well as bills they tossed which accrued incredibly huge penalties on…for example. Cry about the stuff they broke and had zero regards for because its all a giant pain in the butt. Maybe sort of cry about the wasted time their elaborate though stupidly simply version of never ending checkers. But never succumb to self pity. They target you because of all of your dynamic traits. Everything positive about you, which they utterly lack. In the end one is a smarter, stronger and even more incredibly dynamic person. Plus, one’s innate nope that’s my boundary line gets razor wired. One becomes incredibly assertive in rational though extremely firm ways, which aren’t treating but your assertiveness expressed sternly and rationally becomes so firm it scares people. Embrace all of that, your survival skills. And despite the often huge number of years it took to get them to spin out and wipe away the game? To make their own utterly fatal flaw? I did eight years of all of this. Sure, it was often brutal. However, I honor the strengths and positive skills I gained in this epically awful narrative that the Lifetime channel specializing in messed up con shows would absolutely reject because its “unbelievable”. The very real story of the first season of Dirty John, a case ending in the woman’s daughter getting stalked and stabbed by a Satan Spawn’s target daughter happened literally minutes away from me. In Newport Beach and Irvine, California. Know that you are stronger for all of it. Know that it’s not about you, it’s THEM. They want your positive traits and if you hold them tightly to you they get envious and resentful. Absolutely nobody is responsible for filling a void someone has, being their supply of all that is good about a person. It’s and intense education, look upon it as a form of University plus a Master’s and PhD. An incredible full immersion into the depths of sociopathic narcissistic psychosis. You’re stronger for it all, smarter. Embrace yourself for in the end WE are the winners.
I was going to buy my Nister an Exorcism for Christmas. Satan does have Narcissist’s souls.
I wish I had. Mine tried to turn my own son against me this week. Btw I start chemo next week. Fortunately my son showed me her letter and he and his wife think my nister is a sociopath.
Wow, you deserve better and you win with your final sentence!!! Love yourself and you’re immediate family!
Yes, struggling with that bipolar like anger is very challenging. I have to work through anger at moral hypocrisy from my church leaders, so I know where you are coming from… I just had to keep repeating in my mind “vengence is mine, saith the Lord.” It is hard to figure out if it is righteous anger or something else. But, working THROUGH that anger is apparently the only way.
I just will not to slap a toddler because the toddler slapped me when I was hugging them( this reminds me that vengeance is not my worry). I will be praying for you .
Your story touched me im sorry for this may GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY sometimes the people we are suppose to love the in world are the most dangerous its sad but true. Have a great and healthy life
I love that you have taken your experience and decided to advocate. I am only giving much needed advice if you are going to continue to do this . I do not know your education nor your background but i believe you need to focus more on the science behind the abuse and not your personal opinion of you want to successfully help the fight against narc abuse. . I understood you probably got a lot of education of narcissists online and can quote dozens but I am not going to lie it struck a nerve hearing you say people would be a bad person if seeking revenge and it was “ immature “. You have to understand we are hard wired to want to exact revenge on a narcissist. It’s a PRIMAL INSTINCT to want to exact revenge when we’re wronged. And that’s just wronged . Add in the complex nature of Narcissistic abuse and all the co-diagnosis that go with it , each person’s dynamics , health conditions, children or not with or without the narc, and the amount of abuse / how evil in nature ect. . If you need any help feel free to email me at 15sugarmaple@gmail.com. I wish you and your family many blessings and keep growing !
I was living with a narcissist (kristin hartwigs) for 7 years! She beat me down to my lowest and I am in fact still trying to recover! I’m worried that the damage may be permanent and the kicker is she tries to tell everyone that I am a narcissist and it’s actually using the 20 ways to get revenge on a narcissist against me ! I truly did love this woman and I thought you did love me but she had me fooled for seven years I never even knew what A narcissist wise until now east description of one it’s her to a T!! You could probably put her picture in front of the definition of narcissist! She has taken my self-esteem do an all time low I’m trying to get it back if anybody has any suggestions I’d love to hear them
Take psychadelics and keep journaling everyday
I was married to one for 20 years and all the time she was never truthful and gaslighted me had me believing I was crazy. She would go to concerts and hook up with different me and even had threesomes with men and married couples all the time lying to me about it all and still does today. She is trying her best to tell everyone that i was the problem and was doing all the stuff to her that she was doing to me. I never cheated on her. I worked two jobs because she wouldnt help with the bills. She continued to borrow money from me after we were separated. I caught her sexting and old lover who I caught her cheating with years before and he was married I was taking all sorts of depression meds that she told me I needed and do not. she had blocked her phone and now has unblocked it so I sent a message and said hope you are okay, no response. I will not and have not contacted her again. its going to take me along time to over the abuse I got from her.
Love god and love yourself, eat healthy, exercise, get rest, associate with good friends , go out and enjoy nature
Your describtion is exact exact same for me that my person has and is doing to me for 16plus years not married. And he tries to say I’m the crazy one it’s insane.
Brother. It is tough. Mine was 2 years, started out I had the good family, college degree, business, nice vehicles and great confidence.
Now after 7 months since learning the truth about her I have no confidence or self esteem. She made me feel meaningless in ALL aspects of my life. The biggest one was sexually. My Dad was a good man, a Methodist minister, he taught me Satan works not by attacking us outright with horns and fire but yet through people. Desiree played on my Vanity and co-opted my soul.
I am back working but cry uncontrollably at the slightest trigger.
Love will heal us Brother.
Peace and Love your way my friend!
I have a narcissist in my life. Unfortunately when she was “love bombing” me, I couldn’t see it. So like an idiot almost 20 years ago I bought a time share in Aruba and let her and her spouse split the two bedroom with me. I was the only one with credit so I’m the one that officially bought the timeshare. She eventually started telling all our friends on the beach’s bunch of lies about my husband and I. I actually talked another close friend that I trusted to buy a time share in Aruba so I had a dependable friend down there. The narcissist quickly got close to my best friend and now my best friend won’t even talk to me and actually called me a drug addict when I asked her why she wasn’t talking to me. So I lost another friend of 20 years. I just can’t believe my friend that knew me so well would call me a druggieThis is the type of mental abuse I have to deal with. I just can’t believe how venomous she is. But I’m just going to keep living a happy life which will drive her pathetic mind crazy!! She is truly vile. Worst relationship I ever encountered!!
I couldn’t agree more. Last email I sent to this worthless person is thank him for ending as today I look at my current husband and realize how lucky I am. Not only is he a narcissistic but also racist person. He is British from small town Cirencester. I count my blessings every day.
This narc , is taking advantage of my kindness . I want to get revenge by being strong enough to put him out of my house. This one way love is taking to much of my phsyky. . He has a smear campaign with new supply that does somersaults and I will not go to the level of neither one of them. He is around bc he takes care of me occasionally. I am at the brink of calling this whole mess off. U have contacted the sheriff who says it’s illegal to change the locks. He is always looking for a place yet never finds one. He will treat me good and then he tells the biggest lies and tears up the highway for new supply .. It’s like a merry go round and then he will come in again and treat me nice! Who does that?
I am still baffeld over this . I am learning this and I absolutely feel like I have been violated in the worst way. I feel very dirty, like as if all of the gaslightING he has done to me has made me ill. Like full I’ve got an infection. I swear , I don’t know how I’m supposed to think act or proceed in daily activities or routines until I know in what mood i am supposed to have. My day is based on what he gives me
Yes I’m married to a narcissist it’s very difficult and sad
You are not alone. As per a psychiatrist, my husband is a narcissist & is also antisocial. My 55 year old sister is as well. Stay strong. Detach yourself. Stop being the narcissists doormat & scapegoat. Don’t waste your time trying to talk rationally with them & don’t share your feelings with them because they want to upset you = they win. Narcissists won’t take responsibility for their actions & will continue to lie, belittle, bully & trash talk you because they are miserable & envy your pure kind spirit and your success. Keep letting your love shine with those who reciprocate your kindness. You are worthy of being loved & deserve like friends. There are healthy choice friends out there whom you can enjoy quality time with. It takes time to find a small handful of kind friends. But, there are so many unhappy abused people in our universe searching for a few people to connect with. Remind yourself if the very worst thing happens to you which may be a huge financial set back, you will be better off & CAN find a way to make it & your life will be more peaceful without the abuse. Life is so short. Block out the narcissists abuse. Make your peaceful state of mind a high priority. Take care, stay strong & please remember, you are not alone.
This is really helpful.
Uh what is an entire group of people , whom I believed were my “friends” who are come to find out not only narcissistic all of them in nature as well as a crime ring?? Called?
Needless to say , I don’t believe I will escape the swarm of these soul sucking villains , with my life left. I’m isolated and monitored. Now with no money or car either .
The term you are looking for is “flying monkeys.” My sister became one at first.
I married a narcissistic, and I didnt know this at first. We have no contact, which is great, but I want out of the relationship. And I cant afford the expense of getting a lawyer, I want out really of this situation badly. He has smeared my name, for no apparent reason. He breadcrumb me, and abandoned me the first month, when we got married, I didnt understand what was going on at the time. It seems like , when his mother came to town, he changed. And she told me not too hurt her son, and she didn’t even get to know me. He was constantly, calling her, while we were together. She knew everything that was going on in my house and bedroom. I thought that was weird. It’s a lot more to talk about, I kept telling him, that I have never been through this type of mess in my life. He kept wanting to hit me, and I stood my ground. He kept repeating, about how his brother beat his wife. And i wasnt going for this type of behavior. I need to talk to someone, and need help.
AFTER READING THIS ARTICLE I REALIZE THAT THE PERSON WHO I GAVE SO MUCH OF MYSELF TO AND TREATED HIM LIKE A KING ALL I GOT IN RETURN WAS TREATED LIKED A PIECE OF SHIT WELL THIS IM SURE WAS A NARCISIST. THERE WERE SO MANY RED FLAGS FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE REALTIONSHIP BUT I REFUSED TO LOOK AT THEM AND IN THE END I GUESS I GOT JUST WHAT I DESERVED. BUT DOES THAT MAKE ME A FOOL. IM IN THE PROCESSING OF HEALING FROM THIS HORRIBLE MONSTER AND I HOPE AND PRAY THAT THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
I was love bombed by a narcissist she was married she told me a lot of lies about her husband who I knew so that we could start up a relationship. Unfortunately, I felled for those lies and had a four years relationship with her which was hell on earth for me.Finally I found out that even as a 44years married woman with four grown up children, she’s been sleeping with a lot of men even though she swore to me that I was the only one outside her husband that she lays with.I never knew she was sleeping with her husband’s former best friend and all her ex’s.I never knew that in my absence she humiliates me before her friends.Now before she left Nigeria for the Uk I told her that I’m done with her and I don’t want to have anything to do with her till death.Then she unleashed hell on me, contacted all the people she knew through me to tell them lies upon lies about me.Called my two very close friends and twisted half truths of everything I once confided on her about them to make me look like I was a bad person who was tearing my friends down. She accused me of everything she did or said wrong and sabotaged my friendship with this two persons.This was a person who continuously told me she was an empath and used lies of domestic abuse to get me into falling for her and trying to save her.I am 32 years old,I feel terrible,I regret ever meeting a devil in human body.I have been suffering anxiety disorder and PTSD ever since.She has damaged me mentally,emotionally and physically.I feel like I should go meet her husband,tell him everything and apologize to him.I feel like I should hurt myself for allowing her manipulate and use me as her supply until she left Nigeria for the UK.I’m so drained emotionally and physically. I wish I could wake up to all this being a dream.
I think this all very lame. Expose the sob every chance you can! Just be smart and definitely be safe.
I plan to expose a narc I’m living with just as soon as I am away from him. I recorded his abuse. Backed it up on Google and YouTube. As soon as I’m gone ill release the videos and send links to all his friends and family.
I ‘ m so happy to find this I need this it ,was so helpful to me
I read alot of different oppinions from other narc survivors, especially from quora but your article is far the best i read so far. The idea of “getting no revenge” is the most powerfull thing that can be done for a narc survivor.
I was with a girlfriend for four years and was making plans to propose to her. Then one day, she said she wanted to take a break to figure things out. That was about four years ago. She got married about two years after her “break” to a coworker who I later found out through the help of hackgoodnesstech on insta, gram a pro tech guy that she had been cheating on me the whole time we were together. I was devastated at the time, but now I think it was all for the best. Also, it’s a small world, because her husband is cheating on her with someone I know. Thanks karma!
wow! now THATS karma!!
I know that these are the right things to do in the right steps to take it sometimes it’s not as easy done as it is said. When you’re with someone for 15 years but the last two have been like so different than the first 13 for 13 years he treated me like a princess he was good to me for the last two years he changed like completely and he’s no longer the person that I used to know and I’m still in love with that man it was good to me for the first 13 years but it’s hard to let go of somebody I guess it’s hard to let go of the ghost of somebody that I used to know while this demon has taking over his body. He’s done things to me that he promised me when he was really good to me that would never happen that he would never do believe him because for 13 years he didn’t always put me first and he always treated me well it’s like I’m in shock he turned into a narcissist overnight it seems like but when you look back on it really think about it it’s gradually happened. How over the last two years he’s turned into a stranger and I’ve been through hell and I know I need to do exactly what this says it’s just not that easy sometimes. Wish me luck.
I’ve been in a relationship with a N. And have finally realized this in the past 3 yrs. And we have been together for 8 yrs. He puts all the other women before me. He treats them 10 times better then I. And I became disabled 4 yrs ago. So I thought I had to hold on to him cuz I can’t make it without him. Tell we broke up for about 3 months it at first was hard the first month but after that and making changes and all. Doing for just me. I had blocked him from phone and I didn’t call him or text him the whole time. A friend of ours went by his house and they went fishing when they got their limit he noticed how my ex was moping around and look all sad like he lost his best friend. Well he had. But instead of taking him home they came here. I was so mad at this friend. This was about 8 months ago. The longest we had been together without fighting. Till he woke up and starting yelling at me telling me to shut the f up. And I told him it was time for him to pack up and go. He said he would when he got gas money. I didn’t have it so I opened window and started throwing his crap out. He hit me. And I told him he will pay good for this one. So when he left he took my phone so I couldn’t call the law. Well my room mate had a phone so I called for their phone. I pressed charges on him and I’ve pushed it to where he has to spend 5000 to me and pay a fine of 1000. And do 10 days in jail.. You can’t go around a play with peoples emotions like N do. It’s so wrong. I love him very much. But I can’t let him treat me the way he did. We don’t talk. I’m working to sell my home to move closer to my kids anyway. I have no ties here any more. It’s time to go. And move on. Amen
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I am 47 years old (male), and by reading this blog I understand my “girlfriend” better. I always thought that when I feel love, the other person feels the same way. Anyway, thank you for breaking me out of my relationship naivete. I’m a happy-go-lucky guy so I never bothered to learn about psycho people because I thought I’d be able to detect them!!
Now that I know what she is, I’m going to have some fun! I already noticed that if I exit Facebook Messenger that I’ll get a message from her within 2 minutes, LOL!
I feel empowered now and all the:
“you’re too sensitive”,
“you’re like a child”,
“I didn’t mean it that way”,
“you can’t communicate”,
“unlike you, I have experience in this”,
etc … all bounced off me. I’m bulletproof now! Next time she says it I’m going to have to try not to laugh.
and how can I forget the lovely line “I’m doing this for you”, the entire time she’s taking care of *her* work stuff.
I think the best comment from her was recently “did you write that down, or did you remember it?”.
The funny thing is – I am a programmer – people pay me good money to remember stuff and work with my brain. Yet, I had to resort to a secret diary and hidden notes encrypted on my phone!
and I just remembered another one: “you left the light on again in the bathroom! Why do I have to tell you so often?”
I can fight, so I snapped back “you don’t pay the electricity here, I do what I want.”
She was totally quiet… I did not apologize. I’ve said “sorry”, or “I don’t know” way too much already.
I did notice that on my own, about 2 months ago, I discovered “I deserve someone better!”
Which is quite amazing and I am really proud of myself.
It’s probably not soon now and I’ll be free. I can already feel that such a heavy burden will be lifted.
And I just remembered – like a lightbulb went off in my head – she likes to choose emotional movies for us to watch with dinner… and she’ll watch me get emotional!
Explanation of how I know:
Sometimes I’ll have a vape of cannabis secretly before dinner (it makes food SOOO yummie!) but she doesn’t condone it AT ALL these days. She introduced me to it and said it makes sex feel good – which, yes it does! (Come to think of it, I get the impression she uses cannabis and alcohol with everyone – but me).
A nice side-effect is that my peripheral vision improves incredibly! All my senses heighten.
And I remember that I saw her watch me from the side! She’d watch me tear up! When I noticed that she was looking, I quickly swung my head around and saw she had a serious look on her face whilst watching me.
I had to hide my face from her with my hand and then I felt stupid.
OMG twisted people!
And the thing is, she’d do these things once in a while only.
Here’s another good one:
As a woman she always insists she knows her stuff with face creams. Ok, that may be – who am I to judge. So, one day she says I’m getting wrinkles under my eyes and before I could say anything start to approach my face with the left-over cream she had on her finger…
I pull away and question her what it is. She says it’s really good cream. Ok, so I let her apply it. I feel like it’s a bit greasy and that my pores feel clogged – so on my own I go online and buy a nice Neutrogena cream that comes in a metallic tube. It’s a nice cream. It’s light and I feel like my skin likes it.
Over the days, I notice this tube has a dent in the middle… and this dent grows and grows. I always squeeze from the end – she squeezes from the middle! So I wonder – is my cream better? 🙂 yeah it must be!
So very smug, the next time we were in the bathroom together, I tell her, “you use my face cream, don’t you?”
IMMEDIATELY, I hear “nnnnn” and she must have seen my smug, confident look, and immediately pivots to “How do you know?”
I laugh, and tell her “you squeeze from the middle!”…. and then quiet…. and then I asked “is my cream better?”
I don’t remember her response because it didn’t matter.
But it shows they’ll lie about the smallest little thing!
Yes, struggling with that bipolar like anger is very challenging. I have to work through anger at moral hypocrisy from my church leaders, so I know where you are coming from… I just had to keep repeating in my mind “vengence is mine, saith the Lord.” It is hard to figure out if it is righteous anger or something else. But, working THROUGH that anger is apparently the only way.
“I was with a girlfriend for five years and was making plans to propose to her. Then one day, she said she wanted to take a break to figure things out. That was about four years ago. She got married about two years after her “break” to a coworker who I later found out through the help of hackgoodnesstech on insta, gram that she had been cheating on me with the whole time we were together. I was devastated at the time, but now I think it was all for the best. Also, it’s a small world, because her husband is cheating on her with my staff. Thanks karma!” I might just give my staff a promotion, what do you guys think
On my birthday he broke up with me without no reason and kick me out of the house. Very mean and evil, left me behind with nothing and I almost kill myself. I beg and do everything for this man, I take care him and his daughter as my own blood . Why a man can do this to his own women and he always teach me how to be generous and be kind. Suddenly, he twisted his evil face and become a monster. Now I see him I want to throw up or running a way, reading all this articles I realized that this monster is scaring me and now I discover NO contact is a best solution that make him mad . I repeated and keep telling myself I never and ever want to return that evil again l. I did curse him and I wish he never existed in my life and never want to know who he is.